


What if?

by prettylittlereckless



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternative Events, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Blaine friendly-ish, Blaine is not the worst, Boners, Come Eating, Denial of Feelings, Dirty Jokes, Dirty Talk, Enemies to Friends with Benefits to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Finn Lives, Fluff, Food Kink, Friends With Benefits, Gay Bar, Humor, Ice Cream, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Kurt Hummel Deserves Better, Kurt Hummel-Centric, Love/Hate, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Mentions of Character Death, Multiple Orgasms, Original Character(s), Past Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Pining, Post Season 4, Rimming, Sebastian gets a redemption arc, Smut, Swearing, Texting, Underage Drinking, but also not the best, but he's still Sebastian, kurtbastian
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:59:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 32,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24911983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettylittlereckless/pseuds/prettylittlereckless
Summary: After rejecting Blaine’s proposal, Kurt attempts to turn his life around. He unexpectedly finds support in an old rival. Alternative events of season 5 onwards. Eventual Kurtbastian.__“Look, Anderson is hot and all, he could totally get it, but he’s living in some sort of dream fantasyland if he thought this is gonna go well. So I’ll pass, I wouldn’t want him to try and tie the knot after two days with me too, that’s scary as hell.”Kurt couldn’t help but chuckle through the anger and hurt that were still brewing inside of him.“So you think I did the right thing?” Why was he even asking this? Sebastian’s opinion meant nothing to him. Less than nothing, even.“Hell yeah. What even are you, like, nineteen? Nobody should be getting married before twenty five-ish. More like twenty seven-ish, though.” Sebastian pulled out a piece of paper out of his bag and scribbled some numbers on it. “Here,” he said, handing it to Kurt who took it apprehensively.“What is this?”“My number, what, are you thick, Hummel?”
Relationships: Kurt Hummel/Sebastian Smythe
Comments: 63
Kudos: 156





	1. I Don't

**Author's Note:**

> Re-write of season 5 onwards, starting with the engagement. Some minor details from earlier seasons may be different as well. Only main characters are listed in the tags. Finn lives. Trigger warnings that apply to the whole text are in the tags, ones that only apply to a specific chapter will be in the beginning notes of that chapter. English is not my first language so if something sounds weird, that's probably why.  
> Kurt deserved better, but this is not, nor will it ever be, a Blaine bashing story. Nobody is the villain, nobody is the hero, everyone is just a flawed human being, and all they want is love. Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter-specific trigger warnings: throwing up (non-detailed)

“So...” Blaine’s eyes were still fixed on him; he smiled softly, lovingly and let out a nervous chuckle. “Kurt Hummel, my amazing friend, my one true love, will you marry me?” he asked as he got on one knee and opened up a little black box, revealing a slick silver ring inside it.

Kurt felt his heart sink to the bottom of his stomach. He knew it was coming, but he couldn’t possibly prepare for this level of madness. Everyone was staring at him – his friends, family, _oh God_ , even his father, and the Warblers, and what looked like the entirety of Vocal Adrenaline, and of course his boyfriend. Blaine was looking at him, all wide-eyed and hopeful and in love and Kurt knew that he was expected to say ‘yes’ now. Because Blaine tried so hard to get him back, and did this grand, romantic gesture, sang a beautiful song, gave such a moving speech, and everything was truly perfect. Except for the fact that Kurt didn’t want this; he felt nauseous, like he was about to puke all over Blaine’s white, perfectly shined shoes. He clenched his jaw, taking a deep breath. A good thirty seconds passed in complete silence as everyone was starting to look more and more uncomfortable; Blaine’s smile faded a bit. Kurt felt awfully responsible for what was about to happen. His heart was beating so loud that he was afraid everyone in the room could hear it. _Come on, spit it out. You can say you were speechless because it’s all so beautiful but of course! Of course you’ll marry him! Yes! Say yes! Don’t you want to marry him? D o n ‘ t y o u? Say something, goddammit!_

“I-“ he started, his voice shaking. Blaine was looking at him and Kurt couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t do it. He took a deep breath and looked around. “E-everyone, thank you so much for being here and showing your support, it means a lot and the song was beautiful, but Blaine and I are gonna need some privacy now, so please...”

He swallowed hard, watching as people slowly walked out of the building one by one, looking at them with sympathy. He saw his father nod as if he was saying _I understand, it’s okay_. And he hoped it was. He sat on the stairs, making sure he was on the same eye-level as the still kneeling Blaine. He saw the hurt in Blaine’s eyes; like he was about to cry. It was breaking Kurt’s heart to see him like this, but the alternative was much worse.

“Blaine, I’m- I’m so sorry, this is just so much all and once and I- I don’t know-“ he started, his voice breaking.

“So it’s a ‘no’ then,” said Blaine as he abruptly shut the box in his hands; it made a loud noise. “You don’t want to marry me?”

God, he looked so devastated, tears pooling in his eyes, his voice completely flat. Kurt wanted to make it all better, scream the ‘yes!’ after all, just to make his boyfriend happy again, but then there it was once more, that awful, persistent feeling that made him sick. He kept telling himself he was doing the right thing.

“Maybe one day I do, yes, but now, we- we only got back together a few days ago, Blaine, a-and I would rather just date again, get to know each other, talk through some things-“

“But we already _do_ know each other, Kurt!” he exclaimed, visibly frustrated. He stood up, and so did Kurt. “I know what coffee you like, what your favourite brand of ice cream is, what musical always cheers you up, how you love to sing in the car, and where to kiss you to make you moan, I _love_ you! This is all or nothing for me, Kurt, I want to be with you forever, and I can’t stand even one more day of being unsure about how you really feel.”

“I love you too, Blaine, I truly do, but-” he said, reaching out to hold his hand but Blaine made a step back, and quickly went down the stairs. Kurt followed him. “Wait! I don’t want to break up, I just need more time t-to-“

“How much more time?! Kurt, be honest, what else could I have done? I’ve been bending over backwards for you for months now, desperately trying to win you back, always being there for you, not even as much as looking at anybody else. I’ve done everything right, everything! And what have you done? Except humiliate me in front of our friends, huh?!” He gestured towards Kurt, and crossed his arms over his chest. Now he looked pissed off.

“I never asked for any of this, you know!”

“Oh yeah? Sorry for trying to be romantic and make this memorable for us!”

“No, I- I didn’t mean it like this, please, we can still try-“

“No,” Blaine cut him off, an unfamiliar coldness in his now glimmering with tears eyes. It made Kurt shudder. They were both crying. “Forget it. I’m done trying to fix this, Kurt. I’m done being the one to love you more than you love me. Clearly this just isn’t going to work so... yeah. Goodbye, Kurt.”

That was it. Their eyes locked for what might have been the very last time, and Kurt knew he’ll never forget the look of betrayal on Blaine’s face as he turned away and ran out of the school. The end. Kurt could smell the rose petals the entire staircase was covered in, and suddenly he just couldn’t hold it in any longer; he sprinted to the nearest bathroom and threw up in the toilet. He has never, _ever_ been so stressed and sick in his entire life. Damn, stage fright had nothing on Declining An Engagement In Front Of A Hundred People fright. What if he made a mistake? What if he just ruined his one and only chance at true love? Blaine was overenthusiastic, yes, and he wanted to move way too fast, but he was good to him. Really good.

His hands were shaking as he attempted to get it together; he washed his mouth out with water and even tried to give himself a little ‘you can do it’ pep talk when the bathroom door opened.

“Kurt? You in here?” asked his father quietly as he stepped in. As soon as he saw him, Kurt threw himself into his arms, letting the tears fall again.

“Shhh, it’s okay. You did what your heart told you was right, and you are a very brave man for that. It’s all going to be okay.” His dad rubbed his back, letting him cry on his shoulder for a little bit longer. “Come on, everyone already left, I told them to. I’ll drive you home and you can stay for a few more days, alright?” He sounded a little choked up, too.

“Thank you.” Kurt sniffled, looking up at him. His father always knew what to say, even when he didn’t understand the situation, he was always, without fail, on Kurt’s side. Burt was one of the very few people who were always there for him, who never, ever disappointed him. Kurt was so lucky to have him. “But I can’t just yet, I- I need to be alone now, to really digest all this, clear my head, you know. So please, please, go home and I’ll be there in a few hours. Okay? I’ll text you,” he promised, attempting a smile, but it clearly didn’t work out because Burt looked at him with worry.

“Okay, if that’s what you want,” he said, clearly aware of the fact that he couldn’t make Kurt Hummel do anything he didn’t want to do, ever. “I’ll order us some Italian, your favourite, alright?” he added, squeezing his shoulder one more time.

“Yeah, that sounds great. Thank you.”

“Ah, don’t mention it, son. You know I love you.”

“Love you too, dad.”

When Burt left the bathroom, Kurt looked into one of the mirrors. His reflection wasn’t pleasant; his eyes were reddish, swollen from all the crying, his nose was stuffed, he looked even paler and more sickly than usual, and there were tears still dripping down his chin. _You’re pathetic_. He gripped the edges of the sink as hard as he could and kept crying. This was bad. Very bad.

Finally, after a few more minutes of feeling sorry for himself, he heard some commotion and casual, conversational voices in the corridor; he wondered when someone would come to clean the petals up. And Dalton students as well, they had to go back to their classes, right? Just like that, everything could fall right back into place so easily, and yet he was still there, holding onto... what exactly? Why on Earth was he still at Dalton? He needed to leave, now. There was nothing left for him to do here, nothing good anyway, so he swung the door open and was about to leave, when he straight up bumped into someone who must have been heading to the bathroom.

“Oh, sorry,” he murmured with his gaze focused on the floor, desperate to leave as quickly as possible. This place felt suffocating.

“Well, well, well,” said an irritatingly familiar voice and Kurt finally looked up, just to lock eyes with Sebastian Smythe. God, why did it have to be him? Out of all people? Really? “If this isn’t Mrs Almost-Anderson himself.”

Kurt could hear the annoying smirk in his voice. Did that guy have no shame at all? He so wasn’t in the mood for this shit right now.

“Listen up, you despicable little bitch, you better wipe that shit eating grin off your face right now or I swear to God I’ll shove my entire-“ Somewhere in the middle of the threat,

Kurt got way too close to his face.

“Whoa, okay, eeasy.” Sebastian held his hands up, taking a step back. “Sorry, too soon, I get it. I just thought you guys were _soo in loove_ and all.”

Kurt didn’t want to accept that apology.

“That’s literally none of your business, Smythe. Why are you talking to me anyway, want to triumph? Rub it in my face? Guess Blaine’s single now, so go ahead, shoot your shot with him or whatever.”

“Look, Anderson is hot and all, he could _totally_ get it, but he’s living in some sort of dream fantasyland if he thought this is gonna go well. So I’ll pass, I wouldn’t want him to try and tie the knot after two days with me too, that’s scary as hell.”

Kurt couldn’t help but chuckle through the anger and hurt that were still brewing inside of him.

“So you think I did the right thing?” Why was he even asking this? Sebastian’s opinion meant nothing to him. Less than nothing, even.

“Hell yeah. What even are you, like, nineteen? Nobody should be getting married before twenty five-ish. More like twenty seven-ish, though.” Sebastian pulled out a piece of paper out of his bag and scribbled some numbers on it. “Here,” he said, handing it to Kurt who took it apprehensively.

“What is this?”

“My number, what, are you thick, Hummel?” he sneered.

Kurt made a spectacle out of rolling his eyes and started walking towards the exit. He didn’t have the time nor the energy for this right now.

“Alright, call me if you ever want to party it up. I’m in New York every other weekend, family business. I’m trying to be nicer, remember?!” he yelled after him as Kurt practically sprinted out of the building. He really couldn’t catch a break, could he?

It really felt like a certain chapter in his life was closing; Kurt didn’t want that, but he also didn’t have a say in the matter anymore. He thought about it as he took a taxi to the local cemetery; it was a half-hour drive in the direction of his dad’s house anyway. He missed Blaine already, but he made his choice. He did it for both of them, really. He knew that one day Blaine would be an amazing boyfriend and husband for some lucky guy. But that guy just couldn’t be Kurt. Not right now. And Blaine didn’t want to wait around for Kurt any longer, so, like he said, it just couldn’t work out. It really couldn’t, and it wasn’t anyone’s fault. Right? R i g h t? Because Kurt couldn’t stand the fact that he might have fucked up the rest of his life just like that.

The future seemed scarier now. Empty. Uncertain. _What have I done? If it was the right thing to do, why do I feel so awful about it? Was Blaine really always the one to love me more? Maybe I’m the one who should have tried harder? Why couldn’t I just say ‘yes’? What the fuck is wrong with me?_

He got out of the taxi and went straight to his mom; her grave wasn’t far from the entrance. There wasn’t anybody else in sight, and everything was very quiet. As he made his way down a row of neatly upkept tombstones, all he could smell was dry grass and soil. He knelt down, not caring about getting his clothes dirty. He knew he couldn’t wear this outfit ever again anyway; it’d remind him of the failed engagement too much. He sniffled, delicately placing a hand on the cold stone.

“Oh mom, I just keep disappointing everyone,” he whispered. “Maybe I should have said ‘yes’ and dealt with the trust issues later, he’s a good guy, you know, and he tried so hard. If you told my high school self, the same me who was madly in love with Blaine my senior year, that not much later I’ll reject this proposal, I- I would have _never_ believed you. I was ready to marry him on the spot that one Christmas when he gave me a promise ring. Everything was so much simpler between us then and if I could go back-” he stopped himself, and shook his head, looking up at the sky. It was still light blue with no clouds in sight. He let himself cry for a while.

“But then there he was, serenading me, looking at me with so much hope, I could practically see an image of us in a cute little New York apartment, happily together, playing with our kids, all in his eyes... but I kept thinking back to that night when there was a meeting at Vogue, and you know how it is, I was still new there, had to make a good impression, so I didn’t pick up when he called. And I called him back soon after, but he didn’t answer. At the time I just though he was being passive aggressive about it, and I figured I deserved it, but- but he was just too busy fucking some other guy to pick up the damn phone and I- I think I could have gotten over it, with time and effort, but not like this. Not by agreeing to marry him two days after we got back together. I’m not crazy, am I?” he asked desperately, as if his mom could somehow answer. He knew she wouldn’t, but talking it out like that made him feel better anyway.

“If you were here, would you tell me he wasn’t right for me? That nobody is right unless I feel, deep in my heart and soul, that they are? I lost that feeling with Blaine, and I- well, I miss you, mom. If there is a God, they took you away too soon, because I need you right now. I need you always but especially now.” His voice was shaky and quiet, and he was practically lying on the ground.

Nothing could ever bring her back. But he still imagined seeing her, talking to her, hugging her. She was only twenty-eight when she died, closer to his age than his dad’s now, and yet she was so wise. Kurt wasn’t religious, but he hoped that somehow, someway, she could see him now and be proud, despite everything, because he followed his heart, just like he promised her he always would.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and ignored the messages and missed calls from his friends. It was nice that they cared, but he couldn’t deal with that right now. Instead, he called his dad who picked up right away.

“You alright, Kurt?” he asked.

“Yeah. Can you come pick me up from the cemetery?” He bit his lip. There was a short pause at the other end.

“Of course, I’ll be right there.”

“Thank you.”

Kurt sighed deeply. He felt exhausted. This whole day was just way too much for him. What a disaster.


	2. Post Breakup Rush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter-specific trigger warnings: brief mention of attempted non-con

The next few days were nothing but a blur of tears, scrunched up tissues, and his dad bringing him food to bed. Kurt stayed in Lima for the whole weekend as he attempted to un-break his own heart, but it wasn’t working. Too many things reminded him of Blaine there. He tried to get it together; watched sad romantic movies, and cried all the way throughout them, ate way too much chocolate, and eventually let Mercedes and Rachel visit, because he didn’t want his friends to keep worrying about him. When they came into his room, they awkwardly stood by the door until Kurt told them to come sit on his bed.

“How are you feeling?” asked Mercedes, clearly concerned. “Not to overstep, but you look like you’ve been crying, like, a lot.”

He sighed.

“I have. I feel awful, girls. Let’s just address the elephant in the room, okay? I didn’t want to break up, I just don’t think I’m ready to get married anytime soon, not after- you know, everything. But Blaine isn’t interested in a ‘maybe’ or a ‘later’ and I respect that. He deserves to have everything he wants and needs, exactly in the way that he wants and needs it, even if it’s not with me. I love him, but we’d just make each other miserable at this point, so yeah,” he swallowed, looking down at his hands. It was hard to admit, but it was important. He didn’t want to be with Blaine anymore, or at least that’s what he kept telling himself for the past few days, and yet he still had all those feelings for him. Maybe that was just how first big loves worked.

“Oh Kurt, come here,” said Rachel, and both her and Mercedes leaned over to hug him tightly. Kurt felt a few tears roll down his cheeks but he wasn’t full-on crying. That was some serious progress right there. “You did the responsible thing, though. I know it hurts but it was better to let him down sooner rather than later.”

“Exactly, I mean, it takes courage to reject an engagement that involves a musical performance and all of your friends staring at you. I can’t even imagine the pressure you must have felt,” agreed Mercedes. “We tried to stop him, you know, told him this whole marriage thing is not a very good idea, but he was persistent,” she added, smiling a bit awkwardly. “Well, except for Tina, I’m pretty sure she helped him pick out the ring.”

Kurt chuckled, wiping away a tear.

“Yeah, sounds about right. Thanks for trying, but we all know he does what he wants... But enough of the Blaine Talk, please, I feel bad enough. Any other juicy gossip that doesn’t involve my disaster of a love life? Anything? Please?” he asked, looking at them hopefully.

Both of the girls laughed, and Mercedes bit her lower lip as she leaned closer to Kurt.

“Okay, but you guys can’t tell anyone yet because it’s not confirmed. Promise?”

“Promise!” said both Kurt and Rachel in unison.

“So I’ve been talking to my management about the possibility of moving to New York,” said Mercedes, and the room was suddenly filled with excited shouting and chatter.

He missed these little gossip sessions they used to have in high school, just like this one, he really did. He was so excited about Mercedes possibly moving, even if it was only for a little bit to work on some new songs for her upcoming album. He needed more friends in New York, it was surprisingly difficult to meet new people there.

Kurt didn’t hear anything from Blaine for the rest of the weekend, and he didn’t contact him, either. It was for the best, of course, the heartbreak was way too fresh to reach out and propose a friendship. But eventually, Kurt did want to be friends again. Eventually. Maybe in a few months they’d be able to talk, but until then, Kurt knew he needed to focus on himself.

On the day of his flight back to New York, he finally got out of bed for more than a quick shower and a snack. He had to; he was allowed to feel sorry for himself for a bit, but that _bit_ was over now and he needed to move on. He was grateful that Burt and Carole were there for him, but didn’t push too hard to get him to talk all the time. It was difficult enough to have the same conversation about why he didn’t accept the proposal multiple times, first with his parents, then with Rachel and Mercedes, then with Finn, then with Santana... it was just hard to keep repeating that he simply wasn’t ready yet; made him feel like it was all his fault, like he was somehow the bad guy in the scenario, even though everyone tried to console him.

The plane ride was boring; he slept through half of it, and he’d keep on sleeping if Rachel didn’t accidentally kick him in the shin while trying to make herself comfortable and then proceed to violently shake Kurt awake to 'make sure he was okay _'_. Since he couldn’t go back to sleep after that, he stayed on his phone until they landed.  
It was cold and humid in New York; the usual for this time of year. Kurt breathed in deeply and as soon as he set foot back in the city, he promised himself one thing – he’d stop grieving what could have been. No more _what ifs_. Blaine was in Ohio, finishing up high school, and Kurt was here, ready to have a fresh start once again. For real this time. He figured he’d only allow himself a good cry once a week, at most. Perhaps he could be miserable about his Almost Marriage on Sundays, he thought, that’s a pretty depressing day anyway.

And it wasn’t like he had a lot to complain about, besides the obvious of course. He was a single New Yorker now, he was studying at NYADA and still had his internship at Vogue, so life was good. He just need to go back to what he did best – work. Lots and lot of work, practising his vocals until Rachel screamed at him to shut up, drafting new design ideas for his boss to hopefully appreciate, trying out new dance routines in the middle of the living room. It kept him busy, which was exactly what he needed.

“You should get a planner,” Rachel told him one day, looking at him scribble something in a useless notebook he brought to classes with him but never actually took notes in. “It helps with organisation, you know. One of the many secrets of my great success.” She smiled proudly.

“I’ll consider it,” he said, and he did in fact buy a planner the very next day.

He had to admit that Rachel was right, at least when it came to the organisational stuff. Soon there wasn’t an hour of his day that wasn’t pre-planned, which allowed him to always be everywhere on time and keep a nice, strict routine going. It helped him to stop dwelling on the past as much, too. He filled the next few weeks with vocal practise, acting classes, late night shifts at the diner, pretty intense yoga (a new hobby of his, since it was supposed to help with mental balance and all) and finally, his internship at Vogue.

He even asked his boss, Isabelle, to give him extra tasks that’d distract him for some time. And she did. Outside of their professional relationship, she was actually a very supportive friend, and he felt lucky to be able to work under her. And now that he was getting more and more involved in the company, people were actually starting to notice him. He wasn’t just a secretary anymore, although yes, he _was_ technically still Isabelle’s secretary and he liked that part of the job. Some people appreciated his ideas, others hated them, but at least he was really going out there and speaking up.

Kurt had this dream of making it big on Broadway, and it was still something he desperately wanted, which was why he took NYADA so seriously, but he wasn’t Rachel – this wasn’t his life-long goal. Singing was his passion, of course, something he exceeded at. It helped him meet new people when he first joined the Glee club in high school, and performing made him feel more confident and at ease with himself. So he loved it, he really did. Unlike Rachel who thought smaller musical parts were beneath her, Kurt went to many auditions, no matter how insignificant the role seemed. He never actually booked anything, but he kept trying.

And then there was Vogue. The fashion industry. He spent half of his childhood watching musicals, that was true, but he spent the other half watching Project Runway. It lured him in with pretty fabrics, loud patterns, excessive ruching and ridiculous ideas. When he was a freshman in high school, he used to make little sketches over existing designs and sew them in his basement. Because he wanted to, and it was fun, and he didn’t have the money or the confidence to go into an actual store and buy exactly what he wanted. It was a huge part of his life, too, and now it looked like he was doing better at Vogue than at any musical audition. Yes, both Broadway and fashion were some of the most unreliable career options out there, but still he wanted them both. And there was nothing that could stop him from pursuing them.

Sometimes he had bad days, or rather bad nights; his confidence left him, he couldn’t sleep and everything kept coming back to him, making him feel dizzy; all of the guilt, the sadness, that awful look on Blaine’s face as he left... it haunted him. This night in particular, almost a month after they broke up, he kept replaying all of the best and worst parts of his relationship with Blaine over and over in his head in a desperate attempt to convince himself that they really weren’t good for each other, but it only made everything worse.

He remembered the first time they kissed, how Blaine said _you move me_ and Kurt knew he meant it; he could see it in his eyes, he could see everything in his eyes, something straight out of the cheesiest romantic movie, but he loved it. When their lips finally met it was like an electric shock went through his body, and they made out for a bit after that, calling it _practice_ because they clearly weren’t ready to let go. Then there was the fact that Blaine was the only person Kurt didn’t mind losing to, how happy he could truly be for him and only him. Like when Blaine snatched the leading role right from under his nose and it didn’t matter, because Kurt was so proud then and he even bought him flowers for beating him in that audition. And of course that time Blaine told him he loved him, and it took all of Kurt’s strength to keep his composure and not jump him right there and then, in the middle of the coffee shop. Then also every time they sang together and Kurt caught Blaine staring at him like he was something beautiful and truly special. Nobody else made him feel like that, nobody else ever looked at him like that, and maybe, just maybe, that was a once-in-a-lifetime thing that he now lost.

But then there was Blaine accusing him of cheating over those stupid text messages, saying _tell me you’re unhappy, Kurt, but don’t cheat on me!_ And not so long after that, Blaine admitting that he was the one who cheated. He said it didn’t mean anything, but it meant everything to Kurt. Blaine looked so good that night, and when he sang, Kurt got all teary-eyed even before he knew what happened. They say cheaters are quick to accuse their partners of infidelity because they hold them to their own messed up standard, right? Blaine furrowing his brows when he saw what Kurt wanted to wear for prom, trying to talk him into putting on something 'safer'. And then of course Blaine pulling Kurt's shirt out of his pants after that one night at a bar, saying _let’s just do it, I want you so bad_ and leaving all pissed off when Kurt refused. His hands were cold that night, so cold, and his breath smelled like beer. But Kurt loved him back then; more than anything, more than ever. He was ready to put up with a lot, because the good outweighed the bad. But he couldn’t look past the cheating.

It was a Friday night and Kurt was in bed, wide awake and staring at the ceiling. He dissected this relationship like one of those poor frogs biology teachers made them cut open sophomore year of high school. He took it apart, one moment, one sentence, one organ at a time, until there was nothing left, and he had no idea how to put it back together. His hands were all messy, his thoughts were all messy, and nothing made sense anymore. His relationship was dead and he couldn’t save it. He wasn’t even sure if he _wanted_ to save it.

He finally looked at his phone; it was only half past eleven and yet he felt like he spent the entire night tossing and turning and thinking.

“God, I’m boring,” he murmured to himself as the realisation hit him. He sat up on the bed. It was dark and almost quiet; a car alarm has just gone off somewhere nearby. Their next door neighbours were having some sort of party – there was no loud music but a lot of loud, amused voices coming through the wall.

This was awful. What nineteen year old was in bed at eleven _on a Friday night_? Well, besides Rachel who ‘needed her beauty sleep’? No, that couldn’t be right, he couldn’t let life pass him by like that, because he was too busy feeling sorry for himself to have fun. He jumped out of the bed. Rachel was the boring one, not him. It was finally the weekend and the only thing he had planned for right now was sleeping? No. He decided that he’s going to go to a party. But then he realised he doesn’t even know where any good parties in New York are.

“ _So_ boring. Like a literal grandma. What’s wrong with me?” he murmured, looking through his phone, wondering who might be up and ready to party. Dani? Could be but Santana was staying with her right now, so they probably wouldn’t want to be disturbed. Adam? Maybe but he probably hates him now after Kurt asked him out and then couldn’t shut up about his ex.

Kurt looked through the rest of his contacts with furrowed brows. Most of them were family and people from high school. He really didn’t have many friends here, did he? Kind of depressing. He needed to work on that.

And then he suddenly remembered. _Call me if you ever want to party_. Wait, no. Oh no, no, no. He was _not_ about to call Sebastian Smythe right now. That would just be asking for trouble, right? On the other hand... the guy sure seemed to know his way around all the clubs and parties back in Ohio. And why did Kurt even save his number again? Ah, yes, just in case he ever needed to send him an anonymous threat or something. Whatever, maybe it was worth a shot. Kurt called.

“Hello? Teddy?” asked a confused voice that definitely belonged to Sebastian. He must have been outside; Kurt heard wind occasionally breaking up the connection.

“Who’s Teddy? Anyway, uh, are you in New York by any chance?”

“Oh shit, I thought you’d never call! This is _so_ your lucky night, Fancy Pants.” Why did Sebastian sound... excited? It was so unfamiliar that Kurt was a little taken aback by the reaction. He questioned his own judgment. “Text me the address and we’ll come pick you up in twenty.”

“Wait, ‘we’? Actually, I don’t know if–“

“Me and my friend, come on, Kurt, live a little! _You’re_ calling _me_ , that’s pretty desperate. Do you want to get over that awfully gelled ex of yours or not?”  
How did he know? Well... okay, maybe it was pretty obvious. Kurt sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He could still change his mind, but since he got so far into this crazy idea already... this was his time to do whatever the hell he wanted. And he wasn’t in a vulnerable state of mind because of his weird insomnia episode. No, not at all.

“Fine. Fine, texting you right now.”

He hung up and opened up his text messages. Was he really about to do this? Blaine wouldn’t approve. Blaine would be disappointed. _You give me all this crap for talking to Sebastian, and then you go and party with the guy? I though you hated him!_ he’d say. Blaine was nowhere to be found, though, and Kurt honestly didn’t care about their high school drama with Smythe anymore. He didn’t _hate_ Sebastian, he just didn’t particularly like him, but they were all different people now; better people, in some ways at least. And they weren’t rivals, there was no choir championships to fight about, and no relationship to sabotage. It was time to let go.

Kurt felt weirdly light and excited as he sent Sebastian his address, almost as if he was doing something very naughty. But he wasn’t; he had every right to have fun and this, this was going to be _fun_. Now, if only he knew what to wear.


	3. Blue Sunrise

Kurt always took great pride in his fashion sense. Some people hated it, others loved it, but at least they were talking about him and he was never bland. Even when he was still in the closet, he couldn’t bear the idea of people thinking that he was nothing special, just another kid, completely unmemorable, blending with every other student at his school. He wanted to be one of a kind, and was there really something wrong with that? One had to be at least somewhat vain if they wanted to succeed in the industry, be it Broadway or fashion. His journey to self-improvement was a long and painful one, and he wasn’t afraid to admit that in some ways, he definitely thought highly of himself now. Blaine helped him along the way, yes, and he was amazingly supportive, but ultimately, Kurt realised he shouldn’t base his self-worth on what others said. Because there was only one person who'd never leave him and that person was himself.

And now, thanks to the internship at Vogue, he felt like an insider. He had a much better understanding of style, specifically streetwear. New York was nothing like Lima where people wanted to blend in and everyone wore awfully tacky flannels and sweaters in muted colours. Here people wanted to stand out, the city was full of experimental fashion and bold styles. Kurt appreciated it; even though he never really partied here, because he was too busy or too taken or just too something else, he knew what people wore to the clubs. So when he dug though his closet and eventually pulled out his tightest pair of jeans and a black button-up shirt with mesh panels on the shoulders, he was pretty sure it was an acceptable outfit choice. He had some more outrageous and _out there_ pieces to chose from, but he wasn’t aiming at being the centre of attention. Not this time. He just wanted to have a good time and forget about his problems.

Sebastian was supposed to pick him up in twenty minutes, and fifteen has already passed, which was still pretty good considering how long it usually took Kurt to get ready. He had to be quick this time, so once he got dressed, he spent no time fixing his hair up; bedhead was in now. People took time out of their day to actually make their hair look as if they just rolled out of bed, so why not skip all those extra steps and go out like this. Of course, any other time he’d make sure his hair was all nice and neat, a perfect quiff really, but the twenty minutes was almost up, so he simply didn’t have time to care.

He didn’t want to wake Rachel up, so he scribbled a note for her just in case, he wrote ‘ _If you’re awake and I’m not there yet, I’m at a party. Don’t worry, will tell you all about it later. xoxo, Kurt_ ’ and left it on the kitchen table for her to find in the morning.

His phone buzzed, and when he glanced at the screen there was a message from Sebastian. It said ‘ _almost there come down’_. Kurt put on his black boots and his favourite long grey coat, then took a deep breath and walked out of the apartment. Something was telling him that maybe he was making a big mistake, that he should turn around and just go back to sleep, but he was determined to do something spontaneous for once in his life.

When he walked out of the building, the sharp coldness of the air hit him and he could feel his nose and cheeks going slightly red. There was something amazing about New York at night, thought. The sky was pitch black, no star in sight, but the streets were brightly illuminated with car lights, flashing neon signs and big colourful screens. It was just as loud and full of chatter as it was in the middle of the day, maybe even louder. People were dressed less professionally at this hour; a group of giggling girls passed him by, all of them with short skirts but also warm jackets on.

“Kurt!”

He jumped when someone shouted his name, and turned around just to find Sebastian standing way too close to him and grinning like an idiot. Kurt took a step back and put his hands in his pockets.

“Maybe try to not sneak up on me like that again. Also, personal space,” he said, looking around to see if Sebastian’s _friend_ was there too.

“And you try to relax a little, geez.” Smythe rolled his eyes. He was wearing a long blue coat and dark jeans, but what caught Kurt’s attention were his shiny oxford shoes. They were clearly designer and probably a little too nice to wear to the club, which proved he had _money_. Kurt was looking at that same pair online, only in navy blue, a few weeks ago, but he couldn’t afford them. He felt a little jealous. “Anyway, hurry up and get you fancy butt into the car, we have a party to get to. Take the front if you want, car’s mine, but my friend’s driving,” continued Sebastian while already walking towards a black Audi R8. Kurt still knew something about cars, the knowledge stuck with him ever since he used to help his dad at the shop and it still paid off sometimes. It was a nice car, way nicer than what an ordinary student in New York could comfortably afford.

Kurt sighed but got into the car without further comments. The driver turned out to be a guy about his age; he had dark, long-ish hair, he was rocking a purple, glittery blazer and quite eyeliner-heavy makeup. He wasn’t what Kurt imagined any of Sebastian’s friends to be like at all, which was a nice surprise.

“Hi, I’m Elliott, but you can call me Starchild if you want. Stage name,” he explained, smiling widely, and proceeded to immediately start the car.

Kurt couldn’t help but smile back. That sounded positively ridiculous, but he didn’t mind. The guy definitely gave off some good vibes.

“Kurt. I’m afraid I don’t have a cool stage name,” he chuckled, fastening his seat belt. “So you’re the designated driver, huh?”

“Yeah, I lost a bet,” he said, sighing heavily.

“Told you he’s a total cheater,” Sebastian chimed in and Kurt glanced over his shoulder to look at him, then turned back to Elliott with a very confused expression. Uh, what? That definitely didn’t sound like something he wanted to hear about right now, but before he could try and change the subject, Elliott continued the conversation.

“Well, _Sebastian_ over here claimed my boyfriend is cheating on me,” he said loudly. “ _I_ said he would never do that to me, but Sebastian said he would and that he could prove it. So we made a little bet, I lost, and Sebastian fucked my boyfriend. Well, ex boyfriend.”

“And you’re very welcome, if it wasn’t for me you’d still be wasting your time on that douche. Very average in bed, by the way,” said Sebastian, clearly amused.

Kurt didn’t know what to say. He needed a moment to process what he just heard. That sure seemed like something Sebastian would do, trying to get with somebody else’s boyfriend, Kurt would know, but wasn’t Smythe trying to be a better person and all? Unless he really thought sleeping with someone’s partner to prove a point was somehow doing them a favour. That also seemed a lot like something he’d do.

“And you two are... friends?” Kurt wanted to make sure he’s understanding correctly.

“I mean it’s not like my ex was forced to do anything, _he’s_ the asshole here... of course, Sebs didn’t have to go all the way in like that, but I guess I did kinda ask for it. Anyway, sorry, Kurt, forget it, this is definitely not the first topic I like to discuss when I meet somebody new. So I’ve heard this is your rebound party, too.” Finally, they were changing the topic. Not to a much better one, but since they were sharing heavy things like that already... Kurt decided to just get it over with.

“Yeah, my b- ex boyfriend proposed. And I said no,” he admitted. He could still feel himself cringing violently at the memory. Definitely one of the worst days in his life.

“ _Ouch_ ,” Starchild glanced at him sympathetically. “How awkward was it, on a scale from a quiet proposal at home to a full on meal in a restaurant with the waiters watching you?”

“It was on the staircase where we first met, surrounded by all of our friends and family. And it involved a choreographed musical number to All You Need Is Love. Sebastian was there, _everyone_ was there” said Kurt rather blankly.

“Whew,” Elliott whistled. “You have to have some serious balls to say no to that shit.”

“Yeah, never knew you had it in you, Hummel. I’m starting to think I made a mistake by running after gelhead when you were here all along.” Sebastian sneered and Kurt turned around to look at him.

“For the record, Blaine was way too nice to you. If it was me, you’d get your flat, sorry ass read to filth as soon as you’d try something,” he snapped, raising an eyebrow.

“See, when Sebs said we’re going to pick up his friend, I was surprised because he’s not really the _friendly_ type... but now it makes sense, since you actually hate him too.” Elliott sounded genuinely amused.

“It takes much more to get the privilege of being hated by me,” said Kurt not very seriously.

“And I _really_ hate when you call me Sebs,” complained Sebastian at the same time, making a face.

“I’ll call you whatever I want, you slept with my boyfriend,” said Elliott.

“And tried to sleep with mine too, actually, no bet involved. Do I get to call you Sebs too?” Kurt smiled and high-fived Starchild who mouthed _nice_.

Sebastian groaned loudly. “Introducing you two was a mistake,” he murmured.

The hilariousness of the situation wasn’t lost on Kurt; there was a few seconds of silence, and then he burst out laughing. Elliott followed soon after, and so did Sebastian. This night was surely going to be an interesting one.

When they made it to the party, it was a bit after midnight and the club was completely packed. The place was called Blue Sunrise and it was clearly a gay bar, one of the most famous ones in the city as well. Kurt knew it existed, he wasn’t _that_ out of the loop when it came to New York’s gay scene, but he’s never been there before. They didn’t even need fake IDs to get in; they were all already eighteen, and sure, technically still couldn’t drink alcohol, but in places like this it tended to not matter much.

The club was quite big and the lighting inside was dim but colourful; a reddish, or in some places more of a purpleish glow spread all over every corner of the bar. It smelled like alcohol and cigarette smoke in there, but not overwhelmingly; there was a sweet candy scent masking most of it. The walls had bold, mural-like paintings on them, and there were booths and tables along most of the walls. On their right, there was a long bar lit up from underneath the counters and on their left, a small scene, currently occupied by a DJ and his equipment, but there was a microphone stand by the wall, so Kurt guessed they did live performances sometimes too.

It was hard not to notice that about half of the people there had very little clothes on. The other half were fully clothed, but dressed in loud, sparkly outfits. Some had pink boas around their necks and plastic diamond-like stickers on their faces. Kurt couldn’t help but feel underdressed for the occasion in his only slightly funky shirt and black jeans. Sebastian was dressed quite simply too though, and it didn’t seem to bother him at all. Elliot, on the other hand, fit right in.

“Dance?!” yelled Elliott in their general direction and went straight for the dance floor, where most of the people were gathered. It looked like they were having a lot of fun, but Kurt was a little grossed out by the idea of how sweaty they all must have been, so he shook his head.

“Drink!” he yelled back. Starchild rolled his eyes while Sebastian grabbed Kurt by the elbow and pulled him in the bar’s direction.

“What do you want?” he asked and Kurt looked at him with a surprised expression.

“What, you’re not just gonna order 'the gayest drink they have' again for me?” he asked, theatrically shocked.

“Fine, Sex on the Beach times two! And don’t forget the cocktail umbrellas,” he said, and the barman nodded with a smile. Didn’t even ask to see their IDs.

“It’s loud!” noticed Kurt a little awkwardly. Since he didn’t really have anything to insult Sebastian about anymore, he was coming short on conversation topics.

“That’s the point! The music has to be louder than your pitiful break-up thoughts,” he said, and Kurt didn’t even feel offended. Only slightly amused, because yeah, his thoughts have been pretty pitiful lately. And he didn’t even mind Sebastian sitting so close to him, leaning in to make sure Kurt heard him. There seemed to be no reason to see Smythe as a threat anymore, and that was nice.

Two drinks later Kurt felt brave enough to dance. All he did was gesture towards the dance floor, because he didn’t want to yell again and Sebastian got the idea and joined him. Kurt wasn’t drunk, just a bit tipsy, and he wanted to have fun. Forget about Blaine and the engagement and all of those unpleasant thoughts that have been digging deep into his brain for the past few weeks.

And it was working. He wasn’t thinking of the past at all. The music was overwhelmingly loud and electronic, to the point where Kurt had no idea what he was actually listening to, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t dance to it. Maybe it was the alcohol taking over, but his body moved almost on its own, repeating what other people who were dancing near them did; quick but smooth movements, hip sways and shoulder shimmies, all entirely dependent on the song’s fast pace.

It was hot, almost stuffy, and Kurt could feel sweat dripping down his forehead as he danced, but he smiled and kept going, because that was fine. He wanted to let go. He wanted to have fun. He danced alone, and then with a few guys, one of whom totally groped his ass and Kurt just laughed because he liked the attention.

He couldn’t find Elliott since he disappeared on the dance floor when they entered the club, but he could spot Sebastian swaying right next to him. And then Smythe was suddenly right in front of him, pulling him deeper into the crowd until there was almost no space between their bodies as they moved smoothly to the music. Kurt was breathing heavily, the club’s heat was really getting to his head, and he could see Sebastian was hot too. He was visibly sweating and his hair looked a bit wet in places, as if he ran a damp hand through it; it made him look unpolished in a way that Kurt definitely didn’t mind.

As the lighting changed to much sharper, colourful beams that flashed in different directions, for a moment they fell on Sebastian’s face and right then his eyes somehow shined with all colours possible, all of them at once, which was mesmerising. It stopped Kurt in his tracks; he couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment when he started looking at Sebastian like that, or the exact moment when he subconsciously started tuning out the music around them or when Sebastian placed a hand on his hip, but it all definitely happened. And for a few seconds, they weren’t even dancing; just standing there and staring at each other all wide-eyed.

In a moment of weakness, Kurt thought about kissing him; he couldn’t deny the weird energy exchange that happened between them right then and there, and he could swear Sebastian leaned in just a little more, already half-closing his eyes. Kurt reached for his cheek, but didn’t manage to actually touch him because he suddenly felt a firm grip on his shoulder and somebody pulled him away.

“There you are!” yelled Elliott and as he got in-between them and Kurt snapped back to reality.

Did he really almost kiss Sebastian Smythe just now? Was he actually about to let that happen? Yes, yes he certainly was, and the worst part was he _wanted_ it. _Have you completely lost your mind, Hummel? What the hell is wrong with you?_

“You’ll thank me later,” said Elliott right into his ear and Kurt wanted to thank him already, but he also wanted to tell him to mind his own business.

His heart was pounding like crazy and he blinked a couple times, feeling like he was just coming back to reality from some sort of elaborate dream-like fantasy. He glanced at Sebastian, expecting him to already be dancing with someone else, but he was just standing there and when their eyes met again, Kurt immediately looked away. Not good. Bad. Very bad.

“I need another drink,” announced Kurt and almost ran towards the bar without waiting for Elliott or Sebastian. He needed a drink indeed, or even two or three more to deal with what just happened.

The rest of the night was rather uneventful; Kurt drank some more, Sebastian did too, and Elliott stayed sober and was visibly amused by the tension between them. Smythe disappeared between the dancing crowd and Kurt stayed at one of the little booths with Starchild; he complained about his ex to Elliott (despite promising himself to not mention it again) and Elliott complained about his ex to him. It was pleasant, definitely healing in some way. They didn’t talk about the Maybe Possibly Kiss. Kurt didn’t want to talk about it; he was glad Elliott interrupted it.

They stayed at the bar almost until it closed; it was half past three in the morning when they finally left. Kurt’ head was spinning, but the fresh, crisp air outside helped. He was beginning to get sleepy now and he definitely just dozed off for a bit while they were driving, because he remembered getting into the car, and then suddenly they were in front of his apartment and Elliott was nudging him on shoulder.

“You look super cute when you sleep but we’re here,” he said, trying to fight a yawn. “It was fun, we need to meet up again sometime and make Sebs the driver,” he added, winking at Kurt.

Kurt giggled and looked at the backseat where Sebastian was also napping, his cheek pressed against the window. Well, he wasn’t about to wake him.

“Mm, definitely had fun too. And, you know, _thank you_ ,” he said with a smile, and then got out of the car.

He waved a bit awkwardly as Elliott drove off, and then went back into the apartment.

It was hard to do anything without making any noise; he couldn’t really walk in a straight line and he bumped into a chair when he was trying to get some water from the fridge. Rachel wasn’t up yet though, so Kurt took the note he wrote and stuffed it into his pocket; he’ll tell her everything later. For now he just needed to sleep. And he did; barely managed to take off his shoes before dozing off on the bed.

What woke him up was Rachel repeatedly calling his name. Kurt groaned and was a little afraid to move; he was already anticipating the hangover. God, Rachel could be so annoying sometimes. Why couldn’t she just let him sleep? Who cared if it was ten in the morning, it was Saturday for fuck’s sake!

“Kurt, _come on_! I need to tell you something, you’ll never believe what happened! Kurt, are you up?!”

“No I’m not!” he yelled back, annoyed, and that was a mistake.

Rachel immediately pulled back the curtain around his bed and got in.

“Finally! So you know I did this audition for- wait, are you okay? Why are you all dressed up, have- have you been drinking?” she asked as she looked him over, furrowing her brows. Kurt suddenly didn’t feel like explaining himself at all.

“Yeah but just... keep talking. Tell me, what am I not gonna believe,” he said, closing his eyes again. She just needed to get it out, babble her way through it as always.

“Okay, so, I went to an audition for Funny Girl, as you know, and it went great, or at least I thought it did, but I haven’t heard from them at all, well, until this morning. I did it, I got a callback! I’m going to get that role, you hear me? I will be Fanny if it’s the last damn thing I do!” Rachel was practically jumping up and down with excitement.

Kurt sat up on the bed. Okay, so that really was some big news. He couldn’t help but feel a little jealous; why was it _always_ Rachel? This girl really must have been born under a lucky star to always, without fail, have everything go her way sooner or later. Of course, she didn't get the role just yet, but she was close, a callback for Funny Girl was huge. Bigger than the majority of aspiring Broadway singers ever get. God, she was going to be such a nuisance to live with now... or maybe not, at least she won't speak while on vocal rest. It was always much easier to ignore her then.

“Wow, Rachel, that really is big, congratulations!” he said, and even thought he wanted to be her sometimes, he was happy for her. Annoying as she could be, she was one of his best friends. Maybe even the best friend he had now. Yeah, his head really hurt and he desperately needed some water, but the hangover could wait; it’s not like he got black out drunk last night. Just a little tipsy. “You know, you’ll make a spectacular Fanny. I hope you’ll get me a good seat for your first show,” he added with a smile.

“You got it! So now, are you gonna tell me what happened last night or?”

Kurt grimaced and reached for his phone. He wanted to buy himself some time and also check the time, but what got his attention was a new message from Isabelle.

_Great news! Your 'Flowy Meshes' idea came through; it’ll go into next month’s spread and you’ll co-author the article. I expect some writing samples first thing on Monday. Have a great weekend! ;)_

Kurt was glad he wasn’t drinking any water after all, because he’d spit it out for sure.

“Oh shit, Rachel! They’re giving me an article. In Vogue!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: The gay bar that the boys went to is made up by me!


	4. Old Dog Same Tricks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter-specific trigger warnings: Blaine being pushy

After getting the good news about the possibility of co-writing an article for Vogue, Kurt spent most of his weekend preparing for it. He really wanted this opportunity; ever since Rachel got into NYADA and he didn’t, even thought he managed to get accepted later, he often felt like he was missing out, like he was standing on the outside of his life, not able to make it stop or change its course. But now he was finally happy with how things were going. 

Sunday was when things got difficult. He was still writing and Rachel was doing her usual voice exercises, which consisted mainly of her scream-singing the same note over and over again until Kurt's poor ears bled in despair. After a few _hours_ of listening to that, he just quietly closed his laptop and went to the park to get some fresh air. At least nobody was singing there, which was enough to ease his nerves. He knew he should talk to Rachel about how annoying she kept being, but he had enough confrontation for some time. He just wanted to have some time for himself now. After all, all that hard work he’s been doing was finally starting to pay off; he could be a fashion writer. Sure, it was just one article, but one could become two and three and being an author for Vogue surely couldn’t hurt his career.

After about an hour of sitting at the park, when Kurt was about to go back to the apartment, his phone started buzzing. He took it out and for a moment just stared at Blaine’s photo that appeared on the screen. He didn’t get to deleting his number yet and he wasn’t sure if he could ever bring himself to do that anyway. Kurt felt his hands suddenly getting cold and clammy at the thought of why Blaine might be calling him.

“Blaine?” he said after reluctantly picking up the phone.

“Kurt, hi. I- I wasn’t sure if you’d pick up. How, you know, how are you?” Blaine sounded nervous and a little stuffy. As if he’s been crying.

Kurt swallowed. “Well, I’m alright, considering the circumstances. I just keep... working,” he said carefully.

“Oh. Good. Look, I think we should talk in person. I just really want to see you and tell you that- uh, I feel so shitty about how we ended things so, please, can we meet?”

Kurt grasped the phone a little tighter. He was just beginning to recover after their breakup and suddenly Blaine wanted to scratch the wounds open again? Rationally, he knew that he shouldn’t go see his ex-boyfriend, but emotionally, he missed him too. He missed him so much. “Well, maybe if you’ll ever happen to be in New York we can-“

“I’m actually here right now. Staying at a hotel, see, I came just in case you said yes, I- I hope this is not freaking you out, I just thought-”

Kurt sighed. There it was again; the over-eagerness that always overwhelmed him. _Say no. You don’t need him. You’re doing just fine, don’t mess yourself up again. Say you can't meet him._

“No, no, you’re fine. Tell me where you’re staying,” he said and immediately regretted it. Maybe it will be good for them, though. Maybe they both needed some closure.

It turned out the hotel wasn’t far from the park at all; Kurt took a walk to get there. He guessed Blaine chose to to stay somewhere close to Kurt’s apartment on purpose. He didn’t like where this was going; as hard as their breakup was, he didn’t want to get back together. Sure, they could talk and try to stay on good terms, maybe even be friends again one day and of course, Kurt still loved him; that feeling wasn’t something he could just turn off, but none of that meant he wanted to date again. He had enough time to think it through and he concluded that he doesn't need a boyfriend right now.

He thought about turning back and walking home from right under the hotel, but in the end he didn’t. He went in, barely noticing the off-white walls that were ashy with cigarette smoke and old-looking furniture. He took an elevator to the fourth floor and found room 404. The wallpaper in the hall had a hideous flower pattern on it. He knocked on the door with his heart in his throat.

He almost cried when Blaine opened the door. He had a bright red shirt and a colourful bowtie, the one Kurt got him for his birthday last year, on. His hair barely had any product in it; exactly like Kurt always told him he liked it. _I just want to run my fingers through it without getting my hand all greasy, you don’t need the gel, baby_ , he used to say, but Blaine never listened. Well, never until right now apparently. Kurt bit his lover lip and crossed his hands over his chest in an attempt to stop himself from hugging his ex boyfriend. That wouldn't be appropriate. Pretending to be fine was much easier when they were apart; now, with Blaine standing so close to him and looking at him with such honest sadness in his eyes... Kurt’s heart was melting. And he was afraid it might start dripping all over the floor.

“Hi! Come right in, I actually prepared a little dinner for us, so if you’re hungry by any chance-,” Blaine kept talking while gesturing towards the inside of the room. There was indeed a little table with plates and glasses neatly placed on both sides of it. Right in the middle of it was a tall thin candle. It was lit. Kurt came in but didn’t walk towards the table. He looked at Blaine.

“You _just_ broke up with me, you know, I’m a little confused as to what this is supposed to-,”

“It’s just a friendly dinner, okay? No strings attached, I promise, I just wanna talk.”

Kurt couldn’t say no. He nodded and sat in one of the chairs.

He stared at Blaine’s back as he took chicken breasts and baked potatoes out of the oven. It looked good and smelled even better, and Kurt had to admit he was getting a little hungry. So the meal was served, Blaine poured water into their glasses and then sat down in front of Kurt. For a while, they just ate in silence, both too nervous to start the conversation.

“Okay so. It’s been tough on me, you know,” said Kurt eventually. He didn't mean to make a victim out of himself, he was just trying to be honest.

“On you and me both. And I feel like such an asshole for yelling at you at Dalton. I- I thought about what you said about me wanting to move too fast and all.”

“And?”

Blaine leaned over, reaching for his hand and Kurt let him take it. The warm touch was familiar and comforting. For some reason it even made him tear up a little bit. _Don’t cry, don’t cry, do n o t cry._

“And you were right. Of course, Kurt, you’re always right. I was just too blinded by pride and love and-,” he took a deep, shaky breath and squeezed his hand. His eyes started to water too and neither of them took another bite of the food. “I miss you _so_ fucking much. It doesn’t have to end like this, we can still make it work. I’ll give you space, I- I won’t propose ever again unless you ask me to, please, just don’t throw away what we have.” He sounded all choked up.

Kurt couldn’t look him in the eye. Instead, he looked up in a desperate attempt to not let the tears fall down his cheeks. He knew coming here was going to be a mistake. And yet here he was, eating dinner, holding Blaine’s hand and giving him false hope. But was it really false? This was all he wanted to hear a few weeks ago; he would have taken his boyfriend back right away if this conversation happened back at Dalton, but now that he’s had time to think, it was different.

“It’s too late,” he said and stood up, letting go of Blaine’s hand. He was shaking as he walked over to the window with his back turned to Blaine. It wasn’t fair. But what, in life, was ever really fair?

“You’re seeing someone else,” said Blaine flatly.

“What? No! But I went to a party yesterday, for the first time since- since we broke up. Sebastian was there.” Kurt sounded more guilty than he’d like to.

“Smythe? Did you sleep with him?” Blaine sounded surprised as he grabbed Kurt by the shoulder to make him turn around again. He didn’t give Kurt a chance to answer. “Well, if you did, it’s okay, I can’t blame you. Yeah, we were broken up and you were hurt and you had every right to-”

“No! No, I didn’t sleep with him!” he yelled back. He was getting annoyed. Or maybe it was just the guilt of knowing what could have happened that night. _You wanted him_ , said a quiet voice inside his head. _You wanted Smythe. Out of all people?_ “Or with anyone else for that matter! That’s more your style, isn’t it, Blaine? Find an easy piece of ass when things get tough?” he asked mockingly. Blaine immediately looked hurt.

“Shit, Kurt, what _haven’t_ I done to apologize? I’m _sorry_. If I could take it back, I would in a heartbeat. You’re the only one. My only one, I wouldn’t even care if you slept with someone else, I just want you back. Please,” said Blaine gently. He squeezed his hands again, pulling him closer. Kurt let him. There was something hopeless about the plea in Blaine’s voice. His eyes were hazel with little speckles of green, but in this dim light they seemed to be a deep, deep brown. Kurt couldn't look away.

“Don’t say you love me,” he said quietly, taking a step back.

“But I do,” Blaine replied straight away, without a second thought, not a shadow of doubt in his voice. He stepped towards Kurt, closing the gap between them.

It happened very slowly; Blaine touched his face, barely grazing his cheek with his hand. They looked into each other's eyes and they kept looking and looking and then they kissed. The room was silent except for the murmur of their shallow, irregular breaths. There was something unmistakably familiar about Blaine’s eager lips on his, something utterly comforting about his soft locks under Kurt’s fingertips as he ran his fingers through his hair while deepening the kiss. They both sniffled, clearly on the verge of tears. Blaine faintly tasted of some fruity chapstick and herbs from the meal they just had.

“Wait, we can’t-,” Kurt started to pull back.

“No. No, please, give me, give _us_ , another chance. We have something very special and relationships are tough and they take work and people fuck up sometimes, but it’s you, Kurt, it’s always been you and I don’t want anyone else-“

“You have to let me go,” he said, closing his eyes for a moment to gather his thoughts. He wanted to take a step back, but he was already pressed against the wall. Blaine's presence was messing with his head.

“Say you don’t feel it.”

“What?”

“Say you don’t love me, Kurt. Say your heart doesn’t skip a beat when we’re together. Say you don’t get the butterflies anymore when we kiss. Say you’re over me.”

“I-,” Kurt tried but no other words came out.

“You can’t, can you? It’s okay, I feel it too.” Blaine smiled and leaned in again, but this time Kurt turned his head, forcing Blaine to kiss him on the cheek instead.

“I’m sorry, I’m not ready. I don’t hate you, I don’t hold a grudge, I just- I don’t want to get back together.”

It took all of Kurt’s inner strength to say it and stick to it, but he knew it was the right thing to do.

“Don’t want to get back together _right now_ or _at all_ orr-?“

“Please don’t.”

Blaine sighed and held his hands up in a gesture of defeat. “I tried. I just don’t want to lose you. Can we at least try to- to still be friends?”

Kurt thought about it for a moment. “Eventually.”

“So this would not be a good time to invite you to Wicked’s opening night this Friday? I’m sure you’ve heard, it’s an all-new cast and it’s gonna be a-ma-zing. I just happen to have an extra ticket.” Blaine seemed genuinely excited. He suddenly seemed way too calm about Kurt breaking things off after all.

“And it has nothing to do with some sort of elaborate plan to get me back?” Kurt raised an eyebrow.

Blaine chuckled. “Busted.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “Fine, I’d love to go. But just as friends and no funny business, okay?” He tried to sound as serious as possible.

“Of course. Friends. I’ll pick you up at six?”

“Deal.”

They both smiled. Maybe he shouldn’t have agreed. But it was Wicked, for God's sake. Kurt knew the tickets for opening night were crazy expensive, so expensive he couldn’t afford them, and somehow they still sold out in under ten minutes.

On the way back home, Kurt was struggling with his own thoughts. He kept thinking back to what Blaine said, both today and a few weeks ago. He wanted him and then he didn’t and then he did again, which couldn’t be healthy. Kurt did the right thing by not taking him back, didn't he? He deserved better and so did Blaine. As long as Kurt had doubts, he couldn’t get back together with him; he was not about to make that mistake again, everything was already hard enough.

He was already walking up the stairs to his apartment when his phone vibrated in his pocket. Thinking it was Blaine, he went to pick it up, but it turned out to be Sebastian calling.

“Sebastian?” He was puzzled.

“I have a proposition for you.”

“Proposition? I don’t think I want to know what you me-”

“Oh but you most definitely do. I’m taking you to see Wicked on Friday.”

Kurt’s heart sank. “Wait, this Friday? Opening night?”

“Yeah, don’t tell me you’ve got other plans, it’s not like you’re the most social queer out there-,”

Kurt had to interrupt, offended. “Okay first of all, how dare you, I’m very social, and second of all, uh, I kinda already agreed to go see it with someone else.”

“With who, that what’s-her-name annoying friend of yours? Riley? Is she also offering to take you out on a date?”

Kurt didn’t know what to say. He opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. A _date_? Did he hear that right?

“Rachel. But no, it’s actually- um, I’m going with Blaine. As just friends.”

There was a long pause.

“I’ll see you there then,” said Sebastian flatly and hung up.

Kurt swore under his breath. God-fucking-dammit! This day just kept getting weirder and weirder. Did Sebastian Smythe really just ask him out? And why did he want to say yes so badly? Well, either way, he surely ruined it now so he could forget it.

He didn’t even acknowledge Rachel’s existence when he came back home. He went straight to his room, or rather his part of the room, and closed the curtain around the bed. He laid down and covered his face with his hands. What a disaster.

In a matter of minutes he felt his phone buzz yet again and he groaned out loud. What now? Did Adam want to ask him out to see Wicked too? Or maybe Karofsky decided to bother him after somehow finding out that Kurt was single again? He pulled out his phone ready to get mad, but nobody was calling; he just got a text from Elliott.

_Sebs is taking me to see wicked to make u jealous._

Kurt sat up. He couldn’t escape the topic, could he? _Fine_ , he thought. _I'll bite_.

_Why would he do that?_

_C’mon, he wants u! We’re @ a bar & he spent 30 mins trying to find out what seats Blaine Anderson has & move ours right next to them._

_Maybe he just wants to torment me?_

_Possible. Ur going with Blaine tho? Thought u were over him._

_Yeah but just as friends! He offered and I reeally love Wicked._

_Fair enough. U know, Sebs isn’t my type, but I’ll play along if he asks me. I’m telling u cause I like u & don’t want u to think we’re really dating, he’s just plotting to get ur attention._

_Idk what to do. I never asked for this._

_So ur into him?_

_Maybe._

_And into Blaine?_

_Maybe._

_This is what we call being caught between a hot-blooded werewolf and a brooding vampire._

_Sthu, I’m no Bella!! I’m such an Alice!!_

_Of course. U must have totally been Team Jacob tho._

_What gave me away?_

_I looked Blaine up on facebook. Dark, handsome, warm. Same type._

Kurt groaned loudly and put his phone aside. He’s never dreaded going to see a musical this much in his entire life. Maybe he should just cancel it altogether and go back to being alone and focusing on himself. That seemed to work well enough for the last few weeks and then he had to go and ruin it by calling Sebastian. His phone vibrated again.

_U still there?_

_Yeah._

_Look, Sebastian loves a challenge. And that’s what u r right now._

_So he wants to use me?_

_Probably._

_Maybe I want to get used by him. Aren’t sweet dreams made of this?_

_V funny, Kurt. And cute. Maybe I too should join the race 4 ur heart._

_Don’t you dare!!_

Kurt laughed, but he couldn’t help but think about what he just learned. Did Sebastian really want to use him? Was he only interested in chewing Kurt up while he was in a bad post-break up place and then spitting him back up to let him suffer even more? Well, there was one way to find out. Go to see Wicked and see what happens on their forced, surely awkward as hell double date, not that Kurt was dating Blaine, no. Definitely not. And Elliott wasn’t dating Sebastian either, he even said he’s not interested. So it was all just a one big misunderstanding. He already knew he was getting himself into a very messed up situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Let me know what you think or just chat me up in the comments, I'd love to hear your thoughts!


	5. Wicked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter-specific trigger warnings: Rachel being an annoying b-word

Kurt was trying to align his body into a perfect Trikonasana; he made sure his knee wasn’t bend and took deep breaths while Rachel paced back and forth in front of him.

“You’re kinda killing my vibe here, Rachel. Yoga’s all about balance, both inner and outer, and it’s hard to relax when you’re stomping around like that, y’know?” he asked, closing his eyes in a final, desperate attempt at tuning out his friend’s existence.

“Let me get this straight.“ Rachel looked at him harshly. And how could someone so small have such loud footsteps? “You wanted to date, but Blaine wanted to get married and you weren’t ready for that. He broke up with you, but now he wants you back and _you_ don’t want _him_ back because you think you might be into Smythe. _But_ you’re going to see Wicked with Blaine, which sounds awfully like a date to me by the way, and Smythe asked you to go with him too, but you declined and now he’s going to see it with some other dude.” Her voice became higher and higher the more she talked. She’s always been dramatic, but now she sounded like some sort of scolding mother he definitely didn’t need in his life.

“Doesn’t sound very straight to me. A little gay if I say so myself,” he said calmly, lying down on his yoga mat to attempt a Bhujangasana next. “But yeah, pretty much.”

“How can you even joke at a time like this? This is serious, Kurt, can’t you see it’s gonna end terribly for you?!” He didn’t think it was possible for Rachel to be even more annoying, but somehow she always managed to outdo herself. “You know what, I’ve had enough! You can’t allow yourself to be roped into drama like that anymore. To be honest, I thought you’d be over it and back together with Blaine by now, that’s where you belong, isn’t it? Not chasing after some lame rebound, come on. You’ve changed and I don’t approve of any of this! You _really_ need to sort out your priorities.”

“Oh _you’ve_ had enough? _You_ thought I’d be back together with Blaine? _You_ don’t approve? Why is everything always about _you_ , even _my_ life?” snapped Kurt, abandoning his previous attempts at any sort of relaxation. He stood up and crossed his arms over his chest. Fine, it was _on_. “Have you ever wondered why nobody seems to like you, Rachel? I can tell you why. You’re nothing but a pathetic, self-obsessed brat. You keep whining about how hard your life is, but the thing is, you’re full of shit. You think it’s difficult to only care about yourself? To be ready to take down your own friends and family if it helps you get to the top?” Kurt was calm. Collected. He looked Rachel straight in the eye. “You took the easy way out and you’re gonna be lonely up there one day. A star, no doubt, but the only star in the sky. It’s gonna be you and your success and nobody to share it with, because you pushed, no, you _shoved_ , everyone out of your way. You know what’s hard? Building people up instead of bringing them down is hard, caring’s hard and I care, I care about people. Do you?” he asked but he already knew the answer.

Rachel was staring at him, speechless, as if she just saw a ghost. “Wow, you’re- you’re weak. You’re a scared little boy who can’t accept the fact that he’s not as special as he thought he was. There’s hundreds, maybe thousands of yous here, Kurt. A snarky gay guy with dreams of making it big on Broadway? Haven’t heard _that one_ before! I thought you had it in you, but you clearly don’t! And this conversation has been nothing but a colossal waste of my time and energy!” She was livid.

Kurt clenched his teeth while rolling his yoga mat back up. He knew she wouldn’t understand. “You didn’t answer my question,” he noticed. “Do you _care_?” Rachel was already heading towards the front door.

“You’ll never be better than me! Never!” she managed to scream before dramatically slamming the door. Kurt heard her footsteps as she ran down the stairs.

“We’ll see about that,” he murmured. He took a deep breath and tried to focus. It seemed that yoga wasn’t enough anymore; he was pretty sure it was time to take up meditation or consider becoming a full-time monk. Christ, Rachel was so draining. He had no idea how his brother managed to actually date her. “Bitch.”

It was a weird week for Kurt. Rachel refused to speak to him; she turned her head every time he entered the room. He had to admit the silence was a nice change, but it couldn’t go on forever. He knew they’ll have to either make up or break up, but didn’t want to deal with it right now. And there was no way he was going to apologize first.

He got his article in Vogue and an opportunity to work on promoting a new brand while working with an actual designer, which was amazing, but also scary. He stayed at the diner after hours, trying to make some extra money and take his mind off of how he’s been slacking at NYADA recently. Well, he was doing fine, of course. But _fine_ wasn’t good enough if he wanted to make it in the business, was it? He thought he must have had too much on his plate. And he never took things off of said metaphorical plate; he only added more and more and more until there was no space left and it was hard to balance everything.

Like that not-date with Blaine. When Friday finally came, he wasn’t even happy about the upcoming weekend; he was too busy dreading seeing his ex and having to deal with Sebastian’s bullshit. _Get it together, do you want to go or not?_ he kept asking himself, but he wasn’t sure. Blaine kept texting him and he kept half-assedly replying. Sebastian didn’t say, or write, a word to him. Elliott, on the other hand, said a lot of words. They’ve been talking, at first trying to come up with a plan that’d let them enjoy the musical in peace, but that didn’t really work out, so they just chatted about everything and anything, which was honestly the highlight of his week.

Kurt was ready to go out; he put on a matching emerald green two-piece suit paired with a black shirt and tie and dark, shiny oxfords. He figured the green was at least somewhat on theme, since they were going to see Wicked. He glanced at his phone and saw a new message from Blaine. _I’ll be there in 15! ;)_ it said. Kurt felt like his stomach somehow managed to tie itself into a knot in response to that. He was making a mistake, wasn’t he?

Well, the doorbell rang soon after, so there was no time for a change of plans. He went to open the door and gasped as soon as he saw Blaine. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” he groaned. Blaine was dressed in a perfectly white suit with a light blue shirt underneath. “People are gonna think we coordinated-“

Blaine laughed. “Oh, come on, Kurt! I knew you’d want to have a go at Elphaba, so I went with something a bit more Glindaesque, it’s all for fun, what’s the big deal? You ready to go?” he asked, flashing Kurt a big smile.

Kurt sighed. He promised himself he wasn’t going to sulk for any stupid reason. “Fine, fine, I’m ready. After you,” he said while grabbing his coat. “Look, I just want to make sure you know this is _not_ -“

“Not a date, yeah, I get it,” interrupted him Blaine, holding his hands up in a defensive gesture that Kurt knew all too well. Blaine always liked to talk with his hands. He rolled his eyes with obvious annoyance. “You don’t have to keep rubbing it in. Let’s just enjoy our evening, okay? How was your week?”

Kurt hesitated. “Preetty good. They published my article in Vogue, you know, so I’m kind of a big deal now. Might just become a famous fashion writer.”

“Kurt, that’s great, I’m really happy for you! Maybe I should get your autograph while you don’t have a string of fans following you everywhere yet.”

Kurt giggled. “Maybe you should.”

“And how’s NYADA been treating you, are you liking the classes? Are they very demanding?”

When they got down the stairs and out of the building, Blaine called them a taxi and they sat on the backseat. “They’re not that bad, I mean, I’m not Rachel, I don’t go around offending my professors and telling them I’m better than them, so I’m fine.” He looked at his watch; they had some extra time, which was good because the traffic in New York was awful. Especially in the evenings.

“And what about Cassandra July? She’s your dance instructor, right? I’ve heard she’s super strict and like, we both know you’ve never been the most gifted dance-”

Kurt’s mouth dropped open. “Excuse me?”

“Ah, no, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it like that, really, I- I personally think it’s adorable how you always do the shimmy thing, you know? And the jazz hands? Love it.” Blaine clearly tried to recover, but he just made it worse.

But when the first wave of shock wore off, Kurt was amused. Fine, he really wasn’t the best dancer, he had other talents, though, and Blaine didn’t have to point it out like that. Kurt looked at him with a raised eyebrow. _Oh yeah, you do like it when I’m bad at something, don’t you?_ He wanted to ask, but he stopped himself. There was no need for that right now. He was better than that. “Well, if you must know, I’ve been doing a lot of yoga lately and my newly-acquired flexibility has done wonders for my dance moves. I can already put my leg behind my head,” he said with a smirk.

Blaine swallowed. “R-really? Oh, that’s very- very useful, I’m sure,” he said and Kurt noticed a reddish tint of blush spilling over his neck and cheeks. _Good_.

“Would you please get your mind out of the gutter, Blaine?” he asked, shaking his head, but he wasn’t really annoyed. He laughed. Wait, or maybe not _good_ at all. He shouldn’t encourage anything that could even remotely pass as flirting. “But really, I’m doing just fine. You can’t take The Hummel Shimmy away from me, though. That’s my signature move!”

Blaine laughed too. “I wouldn’t dare,” he said. “I’m glad you agreed to come with me today, you know? I missed this… being friends I mean.”

Kurt nodded. He missed it too.

“We’re here,” announced the taxi driver when the car stopped. They paid and got out right in front of the theatre. The street was covered in colorful posters and signs encouraging everyone to see Wicked. _A classic, wonderfully re-invented!_ , the posters claimed. People dressed in fancy clothes were talking and smoking in front of the building.

Kurt and Blaine walked towards the main entrance, but they didn’t make it inside.

“Hummel!” yelled a familiar voice from somewhere behind them and Kurt didn’t have to turn around to know it was Sebastian.

He wanted to keep walking, but Blaine stopped them both. “It’s Smythe. Let’s ignore him,” said Kurt, but it was too late.

There they were, Sebastian and Elliott, walking towards them hand in hand. Sebastian was wearing black suit pants and a black blazer with gold embroidery on the shoulders, which Kurt knew for a fact was Versace. Underneath, his white shirt was casually open. _That’s something_ I _would wear_ , thought Kurt and that realization surprised him. Was this all part of Smythe’s little game or did they actually have similar styles? It was hard to tell since outside of that party last week and that one time at Scandals, Kurt has never seen Sebastian in anything besides the Warblers uniform. There really was a lot he didn’t know about Sebastian Smythe.

Elliot had a navy blue, sparkly blazer and regular jeans on. He was wearing heavy black boots and big star-shaped earrings. It was a great outfit, but somehow he just didn’t look right next to Sebastian. Even though they were holding hands, Kurt didn’t believe they were together. Well, of course he _knew_ they weren’t, Elliott told him as much, but even if he wouldn’t know, it’d be hard to buy into what they were trying to portray.

“Sebastian? Didn’t expect to see you here.” Blaine sounded a little confused.

“Oh wow, your eyebrows are looking _spectacularly_ triangular today, Blaine. Do you use a set square as a guide?” Sebastian tilted his head to the side and made a triangle out of his fingers. Blaine opened his mouth but didn’t say anything. Kurt felt bad, not for Blaine but about himself, because he actually found that funny. “Anyway, my dad lives in New York, so I visit on the weekends. Didn’t Kurt tell you how much fun we’ve had last week?” Sebastian winked at Kurt and he rolled his eyes.

Elliott cleared his throat rather obnoxiously.

“Oh yeah, sorry! Blaine, meet Elliott, my date for today. Elliott, meet Blaine, one of my very few failed conquests.” Kurt has never seen Sebastian smile so widely as he did right now. And it was almost disturbing how perfectly straight his teeth were. He realized he’s been staring at Smythe’s mouth the entire time it took Blaine and Starchild to shake hands and exchange ‘nice to meet yous’. He shook his head. “You still with us, Kurt?” Smythe sounded amused. Blaine nudged him on the shoulder.

“Yeah. Sorry, I was just... tuning out whatever it was that you said.” That wasn’t the most witty response, but Kurt couldn’t come up with anything better. He got distracted.

“Uh-huh, sure,” Sebastian didn’t seem convinced. “I have to say, I wasn’t expecting to see you two together after the engagement fiasco.”

 _Liar_ , thought Kurt. He knew Sebastian was fully aware of what he was doing and who he was going to meet. But so was Kurt, and yet here they were.

“Well. We were friends before we got together, so we can stay friends after breaking up,” said Blaine. He uncomfortably shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

“That never works out, though, and if it does, you either still have feelings for each other or were never in love in the first place,” replied Elliott and Kurt shot him an offended look. _Et tu, Brute?_ he wanted to ask dramatically, but he stopped himself. Sebastian chuckled, leaned over Starchild and kissed him. On the mouth. With tongue. Kurt looked away. _I’m not jealous_ , he told himself. _It’s just for show anyway._

But he did need to stop this from escalating any further. “Well, it was nice meeting you guys, but we have a musical to see,” he said, looking at Blaine expectedly. Blaine nodded and they walked towards the entrance together.

“See you inside, lovebirds!” yelled Smythe behind them.

Kurt was all tensed up. Goddammit, Sebastian was really getting on his nerves, and Blaine’s nerves as well. He wondered what Smythe was even trying to achieve. Did he think kissing Elliott in front of Kurt would make Kurt want him? If so, he thought way too highly of himself. Also, Kurt knew it was all just a ridiculous act.

They finally walked into the theatre. It was crowded, and there was already a line of people waiting to get into one of the auditoriums.

“I can’t believe I used to be _into_ him,” said Blaine quietly and even though they weren’t together anymore, Kurt felt a little betrayed. How many times did Blaine swear up and down that he felt absolutely nothing for Sebastian, that they were just buddies, exchanging such _family friendly_ texts all the time? And why did he decide now was a good time to admit he was lying? Kurt felt a sting of jealousy, but who the hell was he even jealous of? Blaine? Sebastian? He wasn’t sure.

“So you _were_ into him,” he said carefully, looking around to see if Sebastian and Elliott were right behind them again. They weren’t.

Blaine laughed nervously. “I mean, yeah, a bit, he was charming... until he wasn’t. What a jerk, right?”

Kurt furrowed his brows. “Right. Jerk.”

As soon as they went into the auditorium and found their seats, they saw Sebastian and Elliot coming straight at them. Smythe sat down next to Kurt and Elliott sat next to Sebastian. _Crap_.

“We meet again. What a coincidence,” said Sebastian with a tone that strongly suggested it was no coincidence at all.

Kurt sighed loudly and turned to Blaine; he didn’t even want to respond. God, Sebastian really managed to get seats right next to them? What the hell was wrong with him?

“What’s his _problem_?” whispered Blaine, clearly not amused. “Just ignore him,” he added and Kurt shrugged. Well, there wasn’t much more they could do about it anyway.

Kurt tried to focus on the show, but it was hard, because he kept feeling Sebastian staring at him. And he wasn’t even trying to hide it, not even a little bit. Every time Kurt glanced in his direction, their eyes met and Sebastian smiled provocatively, as if daring Kurt to do something about it. And Kurt felt irritated and on edge and he’s never noticed before, but after sitting so close to him for an extended period of time, he had to admit Sebastian smelled nice; like some fresh, citrusy cologne and, for some reason, new shoes. _What a jerk, right? Yeah, what a jerk, how dare he smell good_ , thought Kurt, but he kept his eyes fixed on the actors. The show was actually really good, and he was trying to not let anything ruin that for him. Not even Sebastian. Not even Blaine.

But then there was a fifteen minute intermission after the first part of the musical and Kurt knew he couldn’t stay put. He took his phone out of his pocket. “Sorry, my boss keeps calling,” he said and immediately got up to squeeze through the people who were still sitting down. As he was leaving the auditorium, he saw Elliott standing up too.

“Kurt, wait!” Starchild waved after him once they were both outside, near one of the side entrances. A few other people were there too, smoking. “Is your boss really calling?”

Kurt shook his head, putting the phone back into his pocket. “No, I just didn’t want to stay there. Seriously, what does Sebastian even _want_ from me?”

Elliott thought about it. “He wants to make you jealous by pretending to date me. And eliminate Blaine as potential competition by putting him down. He’s a pretty good kisser, by the way.”

Kurt scrunched up his nose. “Ookay now, are you trying to make me jealous too?” he asked. “Please, no, I’ve been through enough,” he added dramatically.

Starchild laughed. “Oh come on. I’ve seen how he looks at you and how you look at him. You’re interested and single, so what’s the harm in having some fun?”

“But last week at the club you said-“

“Because you were drunk. If you still want him while you’re sober, be my guest. And remember, he can’t use you if you use him first.”

Kurt pinched the bridge of his nose. How was this even a real conversation they were having? About Sebastian Smythe? “Oh, why the hell not. But I’m pretty sure I’ll regret it.”

“What will you regret?” asked Sebastian out of nowhere, making Kurt jump. He walked up to them. _Yup, the regret is already starting to set in_ , thought Kurt as soon as he saw him. “Are you two going back in? The break’s almost over,” said Sebastian as he put his arm around Elliott. He started leaning in again.

“You can stop this now, I know you’re not dating Elliott. He’s way too good for you,” Kurt interrupted them, annoyed.

Smythe raised an eyebrow. “Oh yeah? I’m sorry if you’re jealous of what we have, but I can assure you our relationship is _very_ real.”

“No, it’s not,” chimed in Elliott, taking Sebastian’s hand off of his shoulder. “Kurt knows, I told him everything.”

Kurt was waiting for Sebastian to look annoyed or confused or, well, something like that, but he didn’t. He just smiled and walked even closer to Kurt. Dangerously close. “Oh. Well, whatever then, it still worked.” He looked way too pleased with himself, as if somehow _this_ was the plan all along. “I touched a nerve, didn’t I? Do you _like_ me now?”

“Fuck you, Smythe,” muttered Kurt angrily. That was it, he couldn’t stand this constant tension anymore and there was nothing he wanted more than to wipe that stupid smirk off Sebastian’s stupid face. _How dare he? How dare he be so calm? How dare he have such a nice smile? How dare he do this to me? How_ dare _he smell so good?_ Kurt’s been annoyed before, he’s been angry and irritated, but never like this. This was something entirely new. As if blood was boiling inside his veins, literally. “Fuck. You.” He grabbed the front of Sebastian’s shirt and pulled him in for a kiss.

It was nothing like he imagined. Their lips clashed almost painfully and Smythe was ready for it; there was no sign of surprise on his part, no hesitation. He wrapped his hands around Kurt’s waist so tightly that Kurt felt the warmth of his skin even through the layers of clothes separating them and when they moved, they were forced to move together, one leaning into the other. They kissed deeply, desperately; Kurt could swear he tasted the exact kind of gum Smythe must have chewed just minutes ago and it was Wrigley’s Spearmint. Kurt’s favourite.

Sebastian pushed him and Kurt felt his whole back rub against the cold brick wall behind him. He was about to moan, but the sound got muffled by Smythe’s mouth on his. Kurt could tell that jerk was smiling. And then Sebastian’s lips slowly travelled from Kurt’s mouth to his neck and the fucker started _sucking_. The groan that escaped Kurt’s throat was embarrassing; a mixture of surprise and pleasure. As if a jolt of electricity went through his entire body. It was nothing like he imagined, because it was so much better.

He tried to regain some control by grabbing Sebastian’s shoulders and quickly switching their position around, so that now he was the one pressing Smythe against the wall.

“Like to struggle?” purred Sebastian right into his ear. The cold evening air reached a spot on Kurt’s neck where Sebastian was trying to give him a hickey, and it sent a shiver down Kurt’s spine. “Me too,” he whispered.

Sebastian’s hand slid down his back and right as he squeezed his ass, Kurt saw Blaine coming from around the corner. “Shit,” was all he managed to say.

“What the _fuck_?!” yelled Blaine. Kurt took a few steps back and absentmindedly wiped a corner of his mouth. He felt his whole face burning and he had no idea what to say. His knees felt like jelly. What the fuck indeed. What the _fuck_ did just happen.

“W-we just-“ he tried.

“You made out with Sebastian Smythe on _our_ date?!”

“We’re not on a date.”

“Yeah but we kinda are! How could you do this to me? And with him!” Kurt didn’t remember when was the last time he saw Blaine so angry. Blaine turned to Sebastian. “ _He_ tried to _kill_ me, for God’s sake! Does _anybody_ remember that?”

Sebastian snorted under his breath. “That’s a liiittle dramatic, don’t you think? It was just a slushie-“

“With rock salt in it!”

“I wish it was me!” screamed Kurt, getting everyone’s attention. He bit his bottom lip. “I wish Sebastian threw it in my fucking face like he meant to, I wish you-“ He pointed at Blaine. “-wouldn’t have made such a hero out of yourself and a damsel in distress out of me! When did I ever ask to be saved by-”

“Oh greeat, yeah, sorry for caring about you, sorry for loving you, sorry for being a good person! What’s _wrong_ with you, Kurt?” Blaine sounded so hurt, but Kurt knew he can’t start apologizing now. He had to speak his mind, it was now or never.

“I’m tired of this, okay? I don’t want you, Blaine. I’m sorry, but the sooner you accept that, the sooner you’ll be able to move on and find someone who can truly make you happy. But it won’t be me, do you understand? I can do what I want, and who I want, and that includes Sebastian!”

Blaine covered his face with his hands and took a few deep breaths. “Wait, and how are _you_ okay with this?” he asked weakly, looking at Elliott, and that was when Kurt remembered that Elliott actually witnessed this entire thing. God. Oh _God_.

“We’re not actually dating.” Starchild shrugged. “It was all a lie Sebastian made up to get Kurt.”

“What do you me- You know what, fine! Whatever! I’m leaving!” Blaine put his hands up and turned around. He started quickly walking away. Kurt could feel a headache coming.

“Well, that was dramatic,” said Sebastian.

“And hot,” added Elliott. “Guys, the amount of sexual chemistry I just witnessed was astronomical. I thought you were about to fu-“

“Please, don’t finish that sentence.” Kurt laughed.

Sebastian looked at them and opened up his arms. “So, are we going back in? We’re only a little late.” Kurt rolled his eyes but he let Sebastian wrap an arm around him. So did Elliott and the three of them walked back into the theatre together. “And it’s all Kurt’s fault,” he added, which prompted Kurt to immediately shake off Smythe’s arm.

“Jerk,” he chuckled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think, I'd love to chat in the comments ;)


	6. Roommate Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter-specific trigger warnings: mentions of homophobia, light sexual themes

Watching the rest of the play was a very surreal experience. Kurt had an empty seat to his right, where Blaine would have been if he hadn’t stormed off, a very smug Sebastian to his left. The musical kept going, but he couldn’t concentrate on anything that was coming out of the actors’ mouths. He just kept replaying that kiss over and over again in his head. The way Sebastian moved, how he pushed and pulled and squeezed; all of it left Kurt with a lot of questions. Did he enjoy it? Yes, he sure did. But did he also feel bad about how it probably affected Blaine? Yup. At the same time, Blaine’s feelings weren’t his responsibility anymore. Elliott was right, it wasn’t healthy to stay friends when one or maybe even both of them clearly weren’t _over it_ yet. They needed some time away from each other.

He never should have agreed to come here with Blaine, but then again, if he didn’t, he might have never hate-kissed Smythe outside of the theatre like that, which would truly be a shame. _Maybe I really_ do _need a rebound_ , he thought, looking at Sebastian. And honestly, Smythe seemed like the perfect candidate for that. It was unlikely he’d catch feelings, he already expressed interest in Kurt, and, well, although he might have still been a jerk, he was way easier on the eye now that he wasn’t wearing that ill-fitting Dalton uniform or oogling Kurt’s boyfriend right in front of him. Yeah, he was probably one of those guys who said they _didn’t do boyfriends,_ but that was encouraging, because Kurt didn’t want a boyfriend. So it was settled. Rebound it was, high school rivals style.

“Kurt,” said Sebastian quietly. He leaned over Kurt who realized he’s been intensely staring at him for a good few minutes now. “Stop undressing me in your head, it’s distracting,” he added smugly, but still put his hand on Kurt’s thigh, making Kurt shift in his seat.

“Am not-“ He tried to sound offended.

“Oh but you are. If you want to come home with me, all you gotta do is ask.”

Kurt shook his head, forcing himself to peel his eyes off of Sebastian and look straight ahead. Interesting, so he had to _ask_? Kurt wasn’t that desperate yet; not even close to begging for it, but he knew that wasn’t really what Sebastian meant. His hand on Kurt’s leg wasn’t helping him to think straight, though. _He’s literally on a date with another guy,_ he reminded himself _. Fake date, but still. Don’t you have any self-respect left?_ Sebastian squeezed his thigh. _Maybe I don’t_ , he thought. _But if it’s a game he’s after, I’m willing to play._ Kurt wasn’t looking for true love, but that didn’t mean he was about to make this that easy for Sebastian. He still wanted to be chased for a little longer, maybe taken to a nice restaurant. Who wouldn’t want to feel wanted?

“Try harder,” whispered Kurt, shaking Smythe’s hand off. “I like Italian food. My favourite ice cream’s mint chocolate chip.”

“So a date after all?” He could hear the smile in Sebastian’s voice.

“Yes. And you’re paying.”

That was it. They looked at each other knowingly, nodded in silent agreement, and didn’t talk for the rest of the show. Kurt still barely registered what was happening on stage. Well, of course, he already knew the musical, he’s seen Wicked before, but that just made focusing on the story even harder. He had so much on his mind; the kiss was one thing, but he’s been arguing with people so much lately. With Blaine, with Rachel. What was that about, especially with Rachel? Why would she care about who Kurt was hanging out with? It was bizarre. As if she didn’t have awful taste in men herself. Men who, by the way, she invited to their shared apartment and whose naked buttcheeks touched their dining room chairs. And _that_ was something to get mad about, not Kurt going to a party that didn’t affect Rachel’s life in any way.

When the musical ended, Kurt stood up along with the majority of the audience to give the actors the applause they deserved. It was a great show, even if he was a little distracted throughout a lot of it. After a while, people started to slowly leave the room. Kurt put on his coat.

“Need a ride?” offered Sebastian. “I’m driving. And if you want to come see my place after all…”

“I do need a ride, but no sightseeing for me today, sorry. I need to do some work stuff,” said Kurt.

“On a Friday evening?” Sebastian sounded skeptical.

“Yeah. There’s this stuck-up designer I need to butter up so that he agrees to continue working with us. I’ve heard he’s had some disagreements with people on my team again. He’s awful; hates everyone but seems like he hates me the least, so Isabelle always makes me sweet-talk him.” Kurt rolled his eyes. He was telling the truth; it was the third time he was appointed to dealing with that guy’s mood swings. Which only further proved that Kurt was, in fact, too nice.

“Oh yeah? And how are you _buttering him up_ exactly?” asked Sebastian. Was that a hint of jealousy Kurt just heard in his voice? Interesting. All three of them, Kurt, Sebastian, and Elliott, walked toward the parking lot behind the building.

Kurt smirked. “Oh you know, I flirt with him a little, send him nudes,” he said casually while keeping an eye on Sebastian; his shocked expression was worth the lie. Kurt burst out laughing. “God, you should have seen your face. Didn’t know you were that gullible,” he teased. “I actually just go on and on about how much I loved his recent collection, how it’s just pure art, stuff like that. I know how to deal with a narcissist, I have one as a roommate. Have you met Rachel?.”

Sebastian and Elliott both laughed. “Wait, wait,” said Elliott. “My roommate just totally flaked on me a few weeks ago, so if you’re looking for a new, narcissist-less apartment, look no further.”

Kurt thought about it. The offer was tempting, especially now that Rachel kept getting on his nerves more and more every day. On the other hand, there was also Santana who he wouldn’t want to leave alone with Berry. “I’ll keep that in mind, because honestly, I’ve been fighting with Rachel a lot lately, I don’t even know if I like her anymore.” He sighed. “But I have to think about it, I’ll let you know next week?”

“Deal.”

“Get in, guys.” Sebastian opened the car door. Kurt sat in the front and Elliott in the back. He immediately made himself comfortable and put his legs on the seat next to him. “I’m gonna drop you off first, Ellie,” added Smythe.

“Sure.” Starchild nodded. “So, Kurt, tell me about that roommate of yours. How bad is it?”

“She’s… you know, _a star_ ,” said Kurt, making a dramatic gesture with his hands to highlight the size Rachel’s stardom. “Doesn’t care about anyone but herself, really. She once tricked a girl into going to a crack house when all she wanted was to audition for our Glee club. I’m pretty sure that if I were a girl, Rachel would have killed me in my sleep long ago, she can’t stand competition.”

“That’s… intense.” Starchild furrowed his brows. He looked genuinely concerned. “I mean, I know Broadway’s a pretty cut-throat business, if you will, but-“

“But that’s genuinely psychotic,” stated Sebastian.

Kurt raised an eyebrow. “Pot, meet kettle. You saw me as competition so you decided to hurt me with that salt slushie. You blackmailed Rachel with Finn’s photoshopped naked picture over a song. I’ve been around enough self-centered assholes to recognize you as one of them.” He wasn’t even trying to be mean; these were just simple facts.

“Alright, drama queen, I’ve been trying to be nicer,” insisted Smythe. “No more suspicious slushies, I promise. Blackmail, though… you just never know what you might have to do, you know. My dad works on Wall Street, he’s never played fair in his life and what did it get him? Money. Lots of money.”

Kurt’s been hung up on disliking Sebastian for so long that he never really thought about him having a family before. So his dad worked in finances then, and he was making good money. That’d explain why Sebastian had all this designer stuff and drove such a nice car. Probably rented an apartment all to himself or stayed in a nice hotel here in New York when he was in town, too. Living on daddy’s money. “And what about your mom?” asked Kurt, because now he was genuinely curious.

“No, no, I’m not ready for the Family Conversation right now. Let’s leave it for our date, huh? Bring some tissues cause it’s truly so sad-“

“Not really that sad, don’t listen to him,” interrupted Elliot, shaking his head. “Sebs thinks he’s had it rough because his parents didn’t get along when he was growing up. At least he didn’t get disowned when he came out.”

Sebastian moaned impatiently. “Oh come on, you don’t have to whip out your huge Abandonment Issues Dick every time, you know I’ll never measure up!”

“I have to keep you humble somehow, Smythe, and it sure as hell can’t be with my literal dick,” said Elliott, clearly amused. Sebastian laughed and Kurt could tell it was sincere. He smiled, looking out the car window. He thought that, after all, Starchild and Sebastian really _were_ friends, because only friends could openly joke about things like that.

“Okay, guys, it’s been a very… eventful evening, but that’s my stop,” said Elliott a few moments later while undoing his seatbelt. “You,” he nodded at Sebastian. “Never make me pretend to be your boyfriend again, I’m literally begging you. Also don’t be an asshole to Kurt, I like him and _will_ choose him over you if you force me to. And you,” he smiled at Kurt. “Think about that roommate thing and don’t, under any circumstances, go back to your ex, got it? See you soon!” Elliott got out of the car.

“Traitor!” yelled Sebastian after him.

“Got it!” shouted Kurt at the same time, waving to him when Sebastian started to drive off.

For a while, they just sat in silence. “I thought he was a hero too,” said Sebastian suddenly.

Kurt was confused. “Who?”

“Blaine, when he jumped in front of you? I thought, wow, that was so brave, he must really love you. And weak little you, I thought, were lucky to have him, cause how would you ever make it in this bad, bad world without him? I never looked at it from your perspective until earlier today when you said you wished it was you getting slushied.” Sebastian sounded serious.

Kurt smiled at him an shrugged. “Yeah, I’m not that fragile. Blaine helped me when I really needed someone to be there for me, but I never wanted to be some weakling hiding behind my boyfriend. I’ve been bullied enough for three or four whole lifetimes, you know, I can take some private-schooled jackass insulting my haircut.”

“You clearly can,” he said, amused. Yes, Kurt _was_ talking about him and he knew it. “On a more fun note, though, I am once again asking you out on a date. Are you free tomorrow? And before you answer, remember that I’m only here on the weekends, and not all weekends, either.”

“Here comes the blackmail,” laughed Kurt. This seemed like the right moment to set some things straight between them. He hesitated for a bit, but then decided to just say what he had to say. “Look, I know you think I’m a challenge or whatever and you’ll try to chew me up and spit me out after you’re done with me, but I-“

“And who told you _that_?” Sebastian interrupted him. “I would never. Spitters are quitters.” He smiled suggestively.

Kurt almost choked on his own spit. “ _Anyway_ , what I wanted to say was, I don’t want you getting the wrong idea about any of this. I’m not looking for love here, I don’t want a serious relationship either, so let’s just do fun stuff together until we get bored of each other. I’ll let you take me out when you’re in town. I’ll come to your place, we’ll make out on your couch or whatever. No boyfriends, no pressure, no expectations. Think you can do that?”

“Kurt Hummel, _now_ you are truly speaking my language, couldn’t have said it better myself. I will pick you up tomorrow at five then, and we’ll have some fun. Restaurant date included, don’t you worry.”

It sounded good. And they were in front of Kurt’s apartment already.

“Fine. Okay, yeah, tomorrow at five it is. See you then-“ Kurt got out of the car, and Sebastian did too.

“What, not even a kiss goodnight?” asked Sebastian, clearly pretending to be disappointed.

“Are you always this clingy, Smythe?” Kurt rolled his eyes, but walked to the other side of the car and stood right in front of Sebastian. “I don’t like you,” he teased, gently placing a hand on Sebastian’s chest. He pushed him back, making him lean on the car. Good, he liked that; Kurt wanted to have the last word now. Smythe might have been playing with him, but he enjoyed the game.

“Fun. I don’t like you either,” he answered just as Kurt expected, reached for the back of Kurt’s neck and pulled him in for a kiss.

Kurt let himself be pulled and kissed Sebastian with a smile. He couldn’t help but giggle when their lips met and Smythe’s other hand somehow slid down his waist right to his ass. He loved the attention, loved the feeling of being desired and the thrill of making out with Sebastian Smythe, out of all people, and actually loving every second of it. Their tongues swirled together and Kurt pushed further, unceremoniously pressing his thigh in-between Sebastian’s legs. They gasped at the same time; Sebastian because he just got hard, and Kurt because he just felt Sebastian getting hard. Oh the ideas for some sweet, sweet revenge this was giving him. Not that he was still actually angry; it was more playful than anything.

“You sure about that?” he whispered into Sebastian’s ear, and even went as far as to lightly nibble on his earlobe, just to completely pull away right after. He fixed his tie and straightened his collar, looking at Smythe who didn’t even move; he was still leaning against the car, breathing heavily.

“You’re leaving me like _this_? That’s cruel,” he mumbled, running his hand through his hair.

Kurt smirked. “Payback’s a bitch, isn’t it? Think of me when you’ll be dealing with your… situation,” he said, briefly glancing at Sebastian’s crotch and then turned around and started to walk away.

“You’re a little shit,” said Sebastian in a surprised tone, as if he never even considered that possibility before.

Kurt giggled. “Pot, kettle!” he shouted without even turning around. “See you tomorrow, Sebs!”

When he went into his apartment building, he saw that Smythe was still watching him with a stunned smile on his face. Kurt waved to him, tilting his head to the side, and then proceeded to walk up the stairs. That’s what he wanted; to have the upper hand, even just this once. It felt good. Kurt knew people often saw him as weak, shy, passive, but that wasn’t true for a long time now. He was far from a blushing virgin and it annoyed him when people still perceived him that way. He could be a tease if he wanted. He could date just to have fun, not to find true love. And he was about to prove it tomorrow evening.

When he walked through the front door, he noticed it was dark inside the apartment, except for a light that was on in the kitchen. He assumed Rachel was there, so he went to talk to her, but, to his surprise, he saw Santana sitting on the kitchen counter instead. “Was that Sebastian Smythe you just blue-balled?” she asked, pointing towards the window. She had a box of Lucky Charms in her lap and a mouth full of cereal.

Kurt groaned. “Please, spare me the lecture-“

“Nice one!”

“It’s my life and I can-“ Kurt blinked. “Wait, what?”

Santana swallowed the cereal and nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, I must say, Meerkat’s got some potential once you take that awful school uniform off. Plus, you two have amazing hate-fuck chemistry, I can’t believe I never thought about that before. So you have my blessing, you know what they say, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.”

“I’m over Blaine,” said Kurt.

“Sure you are, Porcelain. Anyway, what’s your angle here, you plan on becoming fuck-buddies with Smythe?”

“Maybe I do. Look, I’m just so tired of all the seriousness, you know?” he asked. He was frustrated. “I spent eighteen years in this hellhole of Lima, Ohio, and now I got out and I _should_ feel free to live my life however I want, but suddenly everyone wants something from me. Blaine wanted to get married, Rachel wants me to be her Broadway sidekick and I- I want to have fun.”

“You know what, Lady Lips? You’re right.” Santana jumped off the counter and put her hands on her hips. “We both spent our high school days singing backup in Berry’s tiny and yet somehow all-consuming shadow, but that ends today. We’re more talented, better-looking _and_ gayer than her and that’s what show-business is all about. You think Miss Wannabe Streisand cares about you or me? You don’t owe her anything just because she was less mean that everyone else to you once. She’d suffocate you with a pillow if she knew it’ll land her _the role of her dreams_ or whatever and you know it. You deserve better, Kurt.”

Kurt knew she was right. He needed better friends and he needed them for, like, yesterday. Maybe Rachel was the best he could do in Liama, but they were in New York now and they had their whole lives ahead of themselves. There was no reason to desperately cling onto the past, especially if the past wasn’t even pleasant. And for Kurt it wasn’t; it was Rachel getting every single lead and Mr Schue constantly telling him to _go join the boys team_ , even though Kurt didn’t fit in with them. It was Karofsky with his neanderthal-brained buddies pushing him around and the whole school despising him so much that they got together and voted him Prom Queen to humiliate him. It was passersby giving him dirty looks on the street. He didn’t want to come back; he would if he had to, for his dad, but he didn’t want to.

“I do. We both do,” he said confidently and something occurred to him. “Look, Santana. Have you thought about moving out?”

“I mean, to be honest Dani implied that I could move in with her a couple times, but I told her I have to think about it. Why?”

“Oh man, do I have an offer for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments ;)  
> Is the next chapter gonna be filled with shameless Kurtbastian smut? Maybe. Don't say I didn't warn you!


	7. Bad Pizza

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter-specific trigger warnings: graphic sex scenes
> 
> drinking game for the brave: drink every time Kurt's ass is mentioned in this chapter

“Rachel, we’ve had enough,” said Kurt, crossing his hands over his chest. Santana did the same; she was standing right next to him, looking intimidating as ever.

It was the next morning. Rachel was sitting at the kitchen table in front of them, making herself breakfast. If you can even call cereal breakfast; considering how much of a diva she could be, it was surprising she didn’t start an all-smoothie diet that would be _good for her throat_ or whatever yet. She put her spoon down and sighed. “What _now_ , Kurt? Honestly, and I say this with love, you’ve been pretty insufferable lately.”

Santana and Kurt looked at each other and smiled. There was no point in arguing with her anymore; they made the right choice the other day. “Well then, you’ll be pleased to know you won’t have to suffer in my company any longer. I’m moving out,” he said.

“We both are,” added Santana quickly, putting an arm around Kurt in an almost protective gesture. It was pretty amusing just because she was about four inches shorter than him, and that was in heels, but Kurt appreciated it nonetheless. He wouldn’t dare mess with Santana; she had razors in her hair, didn’t she? “We’ll be gone by the end of next week. You can start searching for new yes-men that’ll follow you around and kiss your flat ass-”

“I don’t have a- wait,” interrupted Rachel. She sounded half-amused and half-worried. She stood up. “You’re moving out? Where will you even _go_? I-I mean, sure, we’ve had our disagreements, but, guys, we’re friends-“

“Are we, Rachel? I don’t think you know what friendship actually means,” said Kurt.

“That’s because we’re competition first and _friends_ much, much later,” said Santana.

“Please!” Rachel gestured erratically toward them. “Kurt only got into NYADA because Madam Tibideaux knew he was _my_ friend, and you?” She scoffed at Santana. “All you’ll _ever_ be known as is The Yeast Girl. You both peaked in high school and now you’re jealous of how much better than you I’m doing!”

Kurt’s mouth literally dropped open. _He_ peaked in high school? Him? Kurt Hummel, the only openly gay kid in McKinley, the same one who constantly got bullied, pushed around, and threatened so much he had to change schools? Well, that only proved how little attention Rachel actually paid to him and his life. And he couldn’t lie, he was ready to slap Berry in the face right then and if it wasn’t for Santana gently pulling him back, he probably would have.

“You know what?” he asked instead after taking a deep breath. Yes, just like he learned in yoga class. Be calm; be above it all. “I won’t stoop to your level anymore. Start looking for new roommates.”

And with that, Kurt and Santana left the apartment. On their way down the stairs, Kurt explained to her that this argument was really inconvenient for him, because he was supposed to be getting ready for his date with Sebastian, but now he was too pissed at Rachel to go back to the apartment. Santana immediately suggested they go shopping and buy something new for Kurt to wear, so that’s exactly what they did. She even called Dani who soon joined them at one of the shops and invited Kurt back to her place to get ready for his date there, so, in the end, everything went better than he expected.

“You’ve got a great body, you know. Very good ass,” commented Dani when Kurt walked out of the changing room once again. He smiled proudly. Was it self-conceited to say he agreed? He was long past his body insecurities now. “Seriously, I’ve dated girls with far worse.”

“Thank you, but I’m actually trying on a shirt now. Thoughts?” Kurt laughed.

“Do a spin?” said Santana. He did as she asked. “The shirt’s a no,” she decided. She was sitting on an armchair right next to Dani. “But Dani’s right. New York and that yoga you’ve been doing have been treating you well.”

“Try something red. For the shirt?” suggested Dani. “The color of romance, you know. Works for me every. Single. Time.”

“Oh yes it does,” confirmed Santana with an amused smile as she leaned over to kiss her girlfriend.

Kurt rolled his eyes. “Get a room.”

He did end up buying something red, though. It was a burgundy shirt made out of a light, silky material; Kurt bought it in a bigger size so that it flowed nicely on his frame and looked good tucked into pants. It was casual enough to wear with a few undone buttons and paired black jeans, but still drew some attention, which Kurt liked. So the outfit was sorted. When they got to Dani’s place, she and Santana kept talking him up. They teased him about his date with Sebastian, and even gave him advice, including some very not-subtle-at-all reminders about wearing a condom, but that was fine, even if a little inappropriate, because Kurt found that it was really nice to feel like a friend cared about him for once.

When it was close-ish to five, Kurt texted Sebastian Dani’s address to let him know where he needs to be picked up from and soon enough, Smythe was there, waiting for him. Kurt thanked Santana and her girlfriend for spending the day with him once again, and then went out to meet Sebastian. He thought that he might change his mind about this whole _thing_ once he sleeps on it, but that wasn’t the case. He still felt like casually seeing Sebastian was a good choice; Kurt liked attention, he liked dates, watching movies, and having sex, but not with someone who can’t stand being apart from him for a week. He wanted some space, and he knew Smythe would give him all the space he could ever need, and not pressure him into any kind of relationship. Kurt was attracted to that; it was that fun, casual mindset that excited him almost as much as Sebastian himself.

“Visiting a friend?” asked Sebastian once he got into the car. Smythe was wearing a dark blue button up shirt and grey chinos. It suited him, somehow made his eyes look more blue than green, although Kurt could swear they _were_ green.

“Yeah, I had a fight with Rachel again and I kiiinda told her that I’m moving out,” said Kurt.

“Soo, you’re moving in with Elliott? That’ll be convenient.”

“Convenient for picking us both up for wild parties?” He laughed.

“Exactly. I’m sure you’ll like living with him, he’s a good guy. Takes a long time to get ready in the morning, though.”

“Well so do I, we’ll work out a schedule. And we’ll gossip about you and your rich dad or whatever,” said Kurt, amused. “Speaking of which, are you going to tell me about your mom now?”

“Do you really care? Wouldn’t you rather talk about something more, I don’t know, fun?” asked Sebastian, making a face.

“Come on, you know that now you got me all kinds of curious. And you said you’ll tell me on our date,” pointed out Kurt, looking at Sebastian expectantly. He wasn’t sure why, but he really did want to know more about him, about his family, his life, his hobbies… Maybe he was just feeling guilty about possibly sleeping with someone he barely knew, so he was trying to get to know Smythe on a more intimate level in an attempt to silence that guilt. Which was exactly what he promised himself _not_ to do, so yeah, that was going great.

“Fine.” Sebastian sighed, but then smiled. He didn’t really seem annoyed. “She’s a nurse back in Westerville. She’s great, but rarely home, you know how it is, when the job calls, she’s gotta go, someone is probably dying or whatever. When I visit dad and then go back home, it’s just kinda like moving from one empty house to another,” he said. There was a hint of sadness in his voice that he was clearly trying to cover up with humor. Kurt was still looking at him, taking the information in. So his parents were busy professionals; wealthy, but likely distant, at least from what Smythe said. “She only married my dad because she got pregnant, and, well, that was a mistake. They were miserable, fought all the time, and thought that if they buy a big enough house with thick enough walls, I won’t be able to hear it. They were wrong. Anyway, dad was cheating on her with his assistants. Yeah, multiple assistants. When mom found out a couple of years ago, she flipped out. She filed for divorce and then got with one of dad’s assistants herself. She hasn’t dated a man since.” Sebastian smirked.

Kurt stared at him. There was a lot to unpack in what Sebastian just told him. “Wait… Really? Your mom stole your dad’s lover? That’s-“

“Insane?” Smythe chuckled.

“ _Such_ a powerful move,” said Kurt with confidence. He smiled widely, delighted with the knowledge he just gained. So rich people really _did_ lead quite dramatic lives. Or at least these specific rich people did. “I respect it. So I take it she’s not homophobic?”

“Oh no, not at all. My dad’s fine with it too, I think they’re both just glad I won’t repeat their mistakes by accidentally getting some poor girl pregnant and marrying her way too young,” said Smythe. He quickly glanced at Kurt. “And since we’re sharing our family secrets, what about your parents?”

Kurt cleared his throat. “Sure. Well, my mom’s dead-“

“I’m sorry-“ Sebastian was quick to interrupt. “I don’t mean to-“

“Oh, it’s okay, she died when I was seven, so as hard as it is to admit, I don’t remember her very well anymore. It’s like trying to remember a movie you saw when you were very young, you know, everything gets blurry and you’re not sure if it happened or maybe you just dreamt it… Anyway, my dad’s a mechanic and recently also a congressman… Yes, so get this, we, the Hummels, own an auto shop called Hummel Tires & Lube and no, the irony of that name is _not_ lost on me,” said Kurt in an attempt to lighten the mood a little bit. He did want to talk about family, but maybe his dead mother wasn’t exactly the best topic for right now.

Sebastian laughed. “Nice one. A mechanic? Did he try to teach you stuff about cars?”

“He tried and succeeded. Well, at least I know how to change a tire. You know how homophobes love to say that guys _turn gay_ when they don’t have a strong male parental figure in their life? Well, my dad’s as strong and manly and straight as they come. He loves cars, watches football, likes to go fishing and has owned the same flannel shirt since 1982. So I’m just wondering, how did I turn out so damn gay?” asked Kurt pretty sincerely. He often wished he could be more like his dad, and it had nothing to do with sexuality and everything to do with how different they were as people. But then he remembered that those differences actually brought them closer, and he felt better.

“I think you turned out perfectly,” said Sebastian quietly. He was looking at the road, but there was something surprisingly soft and earnest about the look on his face. Kurt smiled. He wanted to say something, but Smythe didn’t give him a chance. “Well, we’re here. Come and please, no more sad stories over dinner, I promised you a _fun_ date.”

“I’m having fun!” assured Kurt, but of course, he supposed they could talk about something not as heavy.

They were in Greenwich Village, which Kurt hasn’t visited a lot, but it was a welcome change from constantly circling around Manhattan and Broadway. Sebastian got them a table at a restaurant called Olio e Piú. It was very green, both because of the building’s color and the numerous plants that hung beautifully from over the entrance. On the inside, the place was a little rustic, but fancy at the same time; it was all dark wood tones and big plants in bright pots and planters all over the place. There were thick wooden beams on the ceiling and art prints and photographs all over the walls. The restaurant was quite big, but most of the tables were prepared for two to four people, which made it seem more cozy. It smelled like fresh basil leaves and roasted garlic with a hint of fresh bread. Kurt instantly liked it; it wasn’t so lavish that he felt out of place, but it also wasn’t just some random pizzeria either.

Sebastian had a reservation; a smiling waitress walked them over to one of the two-person tables right next to the window. It was a good spot. When they sat down, Kurt immediately started looking through the menu. There were so many good options, all of them very Italian and very to Kurt’s taste.

“I wish you could see just how sexually you’re looking at that menu right now,” said Sebastian after a while, raising an eyebrow. Kurt rolled his eyes. “Did I pick a nice place then?” he asked and Kurt knew he already knew the answer. He just wanted to hear Kurt say it.

“You did, but let’s wait for the food to arrive to decide for sure, hm?”

They both ordered one of their classic pasta dishes and some bruschettas with tomato and herbs as appetizers. They also got a whole jug of homemade iced tea. When the food arrived, it looked _and_ smelled amazing. Kurt made a quite inappropriate sound when he took his first bite of pasta. He’s never been to Italy, but he imagined that the perfectly prepared pasta and rich, creamy tomato sauce were as close to it as he could get from the heart of New York. They both agreed that the food exceeded all of their expectations.

“So, what are you into?” asked Sebastian, pouring some iced tea into their glasses.

Kurt looked up at him. “Well, you know, art and fashion are kinda what my professional life revolves around right now and I really-“

“Kurt.” Sebastian chuckled. He looked genuinely amused. “We had our deep Family Moment in the car, enough of that for now. I meant, like, what are you into _in bed_. Are you a top or a bottom?”

“Oh.” Kurt dug into his pasta again in an attempt to buy himself some more time before he had to respond. He could already feel his palms starting to get a little sweaty. But maybe that was just because of how warm it was inside the restaurant. “Well, I can be both. Of course. No fun in limiting yourself with labels like that, right?”

“Right, _of course_ ,” repeated Sebastian. His eyes were fixed on Kurt who shifted in his seat uncomfortably. “Interesting. Blaine’s not much of a top, is he?”

Kurt chose the wrong moment to reach for a drink; he coughed, almost spitting it all out. “Who told you _that_?”

“Oh come on! When I first met Blaine, I assumed he was a bottom. I mean, he _seemed_ like such a bottom. But then you walked into that coffee shop and just _instantly_ out-bottomed him and said you’re his boyfriend and, to be honest, I had no idea what to think. I couldn’t figure you out. I mean, the only way I could imagine you and Blaine going at it was with a double-ended dildo-”

Kurt gasped audibly. He dramatically placed one hand on his chest in an attempt at theatrical shock. “It was just _one time_!”

“Are you serious?!” Sebastian looked delighted.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” said Kurt much more casually. He shook his head with a smile. “But to answer your question, I guess neither of us were really the top. Or the bottom. I never looked at it like that, we just… did whatever we were in the mood for. I never felt like we were incompatible or anything.” He really didn’t. Back when he first got with Blaine, they were just teenagers in love, experiencing so many new things together, and Blaine was an amazing person and a great boyfriend. Well, except for the cheating part, of course, but that came later. Also, Kurt didn’t necessarily want to talk about his ex right now, it was killing the mood.

“Of course you didn’t, you know what they say, even when a pizza is bad, it’s still pretty good,” said Sebastian very matter-of-factly.

“And by pizza they mean sex?”

“Yes, see, now you’re getting it. So, what are you into?” insisted Sebastian.

Kurt thought about it for a moment. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk about sex, but they were in public and Sebastian’s forwardness was making him a little flustered. Still, he didn’t want to end the conversation; he wanted to talk about it as openly as Smythe, so really, one could argue that Sebastian had a good influence on Kurt’s confidence. He did lean over the table, though, as if it could give them more privacy. “The usual, I guess. Never tried anything _too_ scandalous… You know, blowjobs, handjobs, anal, a little bit of sixty nine… into all of it,” he said, quieter than it was necessary.

Sebastian nodded, taking a big bite of pasta. “Understood, but here’s the thing about _The Usual_. When it’s all you do, there’s always this thing or things you want to try, but the other person isn’t up for it or you’re just too scared to bring it up. Isn’t that right?” he said, accusatorily pointing at Kurt with his fork.

Kurt laughed nervously. “What the hell, Sebastian? How-”

“Gotcha!” whisper-shouted Smythe excitedly. Somehow, his leg brushed against Kurt’s inner thigh under the table, and suddenly Sebastian had his full attention. “Just tell me what it is,” he purred, reaching for Kurt’s hand. His grip was both firm and soft at the same time and, Kurt had to admit, Sebastian had really nice hands.

“And what if I tell you, are you just gonna do it? Tonight?” asked Kurt, intertwining their fingers. He felt a rush of adrenaline, almost as if his body was preparing for a fight or flight response; his breathing was starting to speed up, his heart was beating way too fast. But he didn’t want to run.

“Of course, if you want me to. So it’s something _I’m_ doing to _you_?” teased Sebastian, his leg still rubbing up against Kurt’s. That was quite a confident statement to make when he had no idea what Kurt might want. And Kurt could tell that Sebastian was quite literally at the edge of his seat; he was trying to seduce him, and it was very much working.

He swallowed. “Mm. Don’t you think it’s a little inappropriate to talk about this while we’re eating?” It was his final attempt at getting rid of some of the tension, but Sebastian was clearly not about to let that happen.

“I don’t, actually. Sex doesn’t gross me out, does it gross _you_ out?” he asked, licking his lips.

“What? No, I just-“

“I dare you, Fancy Pants, I dare you to say it right in front of our delicious pasta. Just tell me what you want,” he said. He sounded so sure of himself, so sure that he would be able to do whatever Kurt wanted.

He considered the pros and cons for a while, and decided that he really didn’t have anything to lose. It wasn’t even that kinky, Kurt just liked to be dramatic. “Okay, so. I always wanted to, um, get eaten out. I guess it just never was ‘their thing’, or so they said, and I would never insist to cross any boundaries. Still, I couldn’t help but _imagine_ -” Kurt drifted off suggestively. Sure, he could have just said _Blaine_ instead of _they_ , but he didn’t want to mention him by name anymore. That was really not the moment for it.

Sebastian sat back in his chair and let out a breath that he seemed to have been holding for a while. “Oh baby.” His eyes went dark; it took Kurt a moment to realize it was because of how big his pupils got. He’s also never heard Sebastian calling anyone _baby_ before. “Someone’s getting their salad _tossed_ tonight.” The way Sebastian looked at him sent a shiver through his entire body that suspiciously culminated somewhere around his groin.

He chuckled at the food pun, but couldn’t hide his excitement at that positive of a response. “Promises, promises.”

Sebastian must have decided right there and then that it was time for them to go, that they had _things_ to do, because he just snapped at the waiter who walked over quickly. “Would you like to order some dessert?” the waiter asked politely.

“No, thank you. We’ll have the check now, I’ll be paying by card,” said Smythe.

“Of course.”

“We already have a different kind of dessert planned,” said Sebastian quietly when the waiter disappeared behind the staff door. Kurt swallowed. _It’s really about to happen, isn’t it? He’s going to take me to his place and- oh God. Be cool, Kurt, just be cool. Act like you have casual sex all the time, no big deal._

“Our next dinner’s on me,” promised Kurt when they walked out of the restaurant.

“ _If_ there’ll be a next one,” said Sebastian, lightly nudging him on the shoulder. “Oh, don’t make that face, I was kidding. You’re much more entertaining and less fragile than I expected.”

Kurt laughed. “Gee, thanks, you too. Do you talk to all your hot dates like that?”

“No, you’re special, because you know it was really a compliment,” he said, grinning at Kurt who couldn’t help but smile too.

“Are you taking me to your place now, Casanova?”

“Yup, if you still want to _come_.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, making Kurt giggle. “I’m staying at The Standard in Manhattan, the view’s amazing. And dad’s paying, so we can order whatever we want. Just, you know, nothing too suspicious, he’ll see the bill.”

“I’m up for it then. Or down. Whatever works,” said Kurt as they got into the car again. “Can I ask you something first though?” he added after a moment.

Sebastian nodded. “Sure, ask away.”

Kurt knew it might get a little awkward, but awkward was better than the instant regret if he’d never ask. And he wanted to be bolder, anyway. “You’re clean, right? Because I am, and we can use condoms, but your face is not getting anywhere near my precious ass if you have any doubts about your status at all.”

“Clean as a whistle!” said Sebastian proudly. “I have to say I’m impressed, I wasn’t expecting you to ask. I always do condoms with one night stands and I get tested here every month or so anyway, just to be safe. Never had any issues, so I promise your ass is in good, clean hands.”

“You better not be all talk, because I’ve been a little turned on for like half an hour now. Also, it’s been a while,” admitted Kurt. He was glad he asked; he knew could just enjoy the sex now without any worries. Sebastian might have been a jerk, but Kurt was fairly sure he knew better than to lie about something like this.

Sebastian actually snorted with laughter. “Oh man, I really do like you.”

When they got to the hotel, it was already pretty dark outside but, as usual, Manhattan was still wide awake. People were staring to go out to bars and parties, the big neon signs everywhere were just turning on, illuminating the city. Kurt loved how different to Ohio everything was, and he never wanted to go back to boring Lima.

But he did want to go to Sebastian’s fancy hotel room on one of the highest floors of the building. The view of the city really was breathtaking, and so was the room itself. It was modern and sleek, kept mostly in a white and grey color scheme with a pop of blue and black here and there. Of course, the central point of the room was the huge, perfectly-made bed.

“There’s the bathroom,” said Sebastian, pointing to the door. “If you need it. There’re clean toothbrushes, fresh towels, some fancy soap. Whatever you want, the hotel provides.”

“Nice. I’ll be right back then,” said Kurt. He mostly just wanted to check out the bathroom, which looked more or less like he expected; it was big and shiny. Every single white tile the room was covered in looked perfectly clean, the bathtub and shower were huge, and there was also a massive window overlooking the city. But since Kurt was already there, he did freshen up a bit.

When he came back to the room, the lighting was a little dimmer; Sebastian must have turned off all the overhead lights, leaving only two night lamps beside the bed on. It wasn’t dark, though, everything just seemed softer; it was light enough for Kurt to clearly see Sebastian sitting on the bed with something that looked like… a tub of ice cream?

“You said mint chocolate chip’s your favourite, right?” asked Smythe, confirming that was what he was holding. He took the lid off and patted the bed besides himself, holding up two silver spoons. “Care to join me?”

Kurt did care to join. He sat next to Sebastian and didn’t waste any time; he went straight for a big spoonful of the ice cream and sighed while it slowly melted in his mouth. “You really went out of your way for me, huh,” he mumbled while digging into the ice cream again. Yeah, he was talking with his mouth full.

“I had ulterior motives,” said Sebastian. Kurt immediately found out what those motives were when Sebastian grabbed his face and kissed him. It was hot and cold at the same time, the latter mostly because of the ice cream; now mostly melted, it coated both of their tongues and made the kiss possibly the messiest and most sensual one Kurt has ever experienced. He could feel a bit of ice cream running down his chin, about to drip off, but before it fell onto his shirt, Sebastian somehow noticed and licked it off. Kurt swallowed and looked down at him, astonished. He never truly understood what people meant when they talked about lust until right then. The thought he did, but it was suddenly clear to him that he’s only ever been in love before. But now, now it was definitely lust.

“Was that good-“ Smythe started to ask, but Kurt didn’t have time to answer, even thought he appreciated the need to make sure he was okay. He was more than okay.

He grabbed Sebastian by the shirt and kissed him again. This time, without the element of surprise, it was deeper and longer; their lips moved together, slowly but intentionally, almost disturbingly in sync. The kiss still tasted like mint chocolate chip. When Kurt was taking a shaky breath, Sebastian took the opportunity to gently bite down on his lower lip, which sent a hot shiver down Kurt’s spine. Smythe then started unbuttoning Kurt’s shirt, his warm hands quickly moving down Kurt’s chest. He started to take off Sebastian’s shirt too, although he was a little less graceful about it; struggling with one of the buttons, he pulled harder, making Sebastian giggle into their kiss.

“Like it rough?” he asked, pulling back just enough to look into Kurt’s eyes as he swiftly slid the shirt off his shoulders. “Careful, it’s designer,” he added smugly and leaned in, pushing Kurt back until he laid on the bed.

“Couldn’t care less, just take it off,” murmured Kurt. He attempted to calm down his breathing, but it was impossible. Sebastian finished taking off his own shirt and straddled Kurt’s hips. Smythe looked good; he wasn’t very muscular, but one could still see how his muscles moved under his skin when he moved, the dim light highlighting every shadow on his toned chest. He had some freckles all over his chest and Kurt couldn’t help but think about kissing a path between every single one of them until he’s counted and connected them all in his head.

“You’re drooling a little,” said Sebastian and he smiled widely when Kurt looked at his face again, amused but slightly annoyed at the comment. “Just kidding, you’re hot too. You looked so good in that red shirt, I couldn’t stop thinking about ripping it off of you right there at the restaurant and just taking you on the table.” Smythe leaned forward, propping himself up on a bent elbow on one side of Kurt’s head. His face hovered over Kurt’s and their bare chests brushed against each other; Kurt hugged him, running his hands up and down Sebastian’s back. Smythe kissed him on the cheek in a way that nobody has ever kissed him on the cheek before; it was long and tender, and then those same kisses wandered down Kurt’s jaw and to his neck, where he stopped for longer to lick and suck on his skin. A low moan escaped his mouth before he could even begin to try and stop it. Kurt reached in-between them to the front of Sebastian’s pants, not-so-accidentally brushed against his bulge, drawing a surprise groan out of him, and unbuttoned his chinos.

“God, you’re _so_ hot,” said Kurt almost desperately, biting his lower lip. “I want more, take it off. All of it.”

“Not yet.” Sebastian smirked, smoothly sliding down to make himself comfortable in-between Kurt’s legs. “You first. Or should I say, your ass first,” he said, unbuttoning Kurt’s pants. He took them off of him surprisingly quickly, considering they were skinny jeans. Kurt glanced down at himself, his erection pushing against the soft material of his boxers, and at Smythe who looked like a starving man right before a feast. He had to look at the ceiling to calm down while Sebastian finally pulled his underwear down. Kurt didn’t feel embarrassed; it was nothing like the first time somebody saw him naked. He liked his body now, he liked how smooth and pale he was, not to mention his amazing ass that was frankly underappreciated. He was also just too horny to be nervous. But why was he _so_ turned on already exactly? There really was something about this whole situation, about them not liking each other for so long, about how annoyingly smug Sebastian always was, even in a situation like this. Something that Kurt couldn’t help but give into.

“You look incredible like that, but you might want to get on all fours,” said Sebastian, interrupting Kurt’s stream of thought. “For better access,” he explained, as if Kurt couldn’t figure that out on his own.

Kurt nodded and did as he was told, making sure he was as comfortable as possible with his ass fully in the air. He half-lied down already, arching his back and propping himself up on bent elbows.

“You’ve done this before?” asked Kurt, sliding his legs apart a little. Was it narcissistic of him to want to be able to see himself from Sebastian’s point of view right now? It was a vulnerable position with everything clearly on show, but Kurt didn’t imagine it being anything else for getting his ass eaten. He just didn’t imagine it’d be with Sebastian.

“I have, but none of them had your ass. Fuck, Kurt, you really won the genetic lottery,” said Smythe and Kurt could physically feel him _staring_ , so he swayed his hips suggestively in response. Sebastian cupped and squeezed one of his butt cheeks and then must have bent over, because Kurt felt a warm breath low on his back, where Smythe started to kiss him, slowly making his way down. He kissed and licked Kurt’s butt cheeks, mercilessly teased him by getting closer to his asshole and then pulling back again.

It was a cruel game he was playing, one that made Kurt sweat and moan before Sebastian actually did anything. But when he finally did and Kurt felt his tongue circling around his entrance, he shamelessly moved him hips back, asking for _more_. Smythe was more than enthusiastic with licking him up and down and in circles and then up and down again. He cupped and started to gently massage Kurt’s balls with one hand as he pushed his tongue inside of him. Kurt felt his leg muscles tremble as he desperately tried to _not fucking come_. It was a bit like he imagined it would be; wet, warm, and overwhelming, except it was much, _much_ better. He loved it, and he could tell Sebastian loved it too, there was no mistaking it.

“Sebastian,” he mumbled, a little choked up, but he really had no idea what to say. So he moaned instead as Sebastian hummed a long _mhmm_ , sending a pleasant vibration throughout his body.

“You taste better than the ice cream,” said Smythe, his voice a little hoarse, as he pulled back.

Kurt thought they were about to move to doing something else or maybe switch places, but that was not the case. He heard a drawer open and then a bottle click quietly, and before his horny brain could piece it all together, Sebastian was sliding a lubed up finger inside of him. Smythe’s tongue followed shortly after again too, and he bent his finger in a familiar motion, slowly pushing inside of Kurt until he brushed over his prostate. Once he found it, he added a second finger and kept a steady rhythm, making sure to hit the spot every single time. The repeated sensation was so intense it made Kurt jerk a little and whimper something incomprehensible each time. He was digging his nails into the pillow.

 _Oh God. Oh God, oh no_ , he thought as it occurred to him that this couldn’t go on for much longer. Not because he didn’t want it to, but because he was about to come. But he couldn’t yet, could he, they were just getting started! Kurt didn’t even have to see himself to know that his erection was absolutely begging for attention. And Sebastian hasn’t even touched his dick. God.

“S-Sebastian,” he tried again, forcing himself to speak up. “Ah, you have to stop or I’ll… I’ll…” It was hard to focus enough to even finish a sentence.

Smythe did stop and he slowly pulled back. “Come?” he asked. Kurt could hear the smile in his voice. He mumbled something vaguely resembling _yeah_ in response. That was when Sebastian grabbed him by the hips and forced him to roll over to his back. Well, it’s not like Kurt did anything to resist; his poor muscles were screaming for any form of release, because he tried so hard to keep himself from exploding. “Good,” said Sebastian. Kurt furrowed his brows, not really understanding. “Come then,” he added and before Kurt could really process what that meant, Sebastian wrapped his hand against Kurt’s dick.

Kurt put his hand over his mouth to muffle the scream he couldn’t really control otherwise. It was embarrassing how little it took; if Smythe planned to do something besides stroking him literally two times and circling his thumb around the head, he didn’t get the opportunity, because Kurt came. It was completely involuntary, and there was nothing he could do except give into the leg-shaking orgasm that took over his entire body for a good twenty seconds. It was so good he almost felt like crying, and for a moment after it ended, he couldn’t remember his own name; he could just watch as Sebastian leans over him and slowly, carefully licks the sperm off of his stomach with pride written all over his face. Kurt could almost get hard again just from that view. Jesus. He already knew this… thing they had, whatever it was, was not going to end well.

“I… That was-” panted Kurt. _Amazing. Mind-blowing. Spectacular_. “God. Why did you let me come.” It was supposed to be a question, but he just sounded pleased.

“Why wouldn’t I? You have the hottest o-face I’ve ever seen,” he said and had the audacity to lick his fingers while looking straight at Kurt. “Don’t tell me you can’t go again, that was just foreplay,” he added with a sly smile.

Kurt felt sweaty and sensitive, but he was absolutely about to take up the glove Sebastian just threw him. At least with one orgasm already over with, he could focus on Smythe; the guy was unbelievable. Not only did he just do all kinds of dirty things to Kurt, he also managed to stay seemingly completely level-headed throughout it. Except for the fact that somewhere along the way he got rid of his pants, and had nothing but thin boxers that couldn’t hide how _affected_ he really was by all of this, and he breathed even more heavily than Kurt. Still, it was amazing how well he held himself together this whole time, and how he seemed to be more than willing to _just_ _do Kurt_. That attitude was sexy as fuck. It was so easy for Kurt to play off of it, so natural to just get right into the mindset. He didn’t even have to think about it.

“Oh, that was foreplay?” asked Kurt when he finally gathered enough strength to sit up. “Let’s keep things moving then,” he said confidently.

 _Am I about to make out with him after he just ate my ass_ and _licked my cum up?_ thought Kurt and the answer was yes. Yes he was, and he did. He pulled Sebastian in by the back of his neck and kissed him deeply. Smythe eagerly returned the kiss and tried to push Kurt onto his back again, but Kurt didn’t let him. Instead, he rolled them over until he was on top of Sebastian, straddling his hips. They didn’t even break up the kiss. Kurt felt Smythe’s erection pressing against his ass, so he adjusted himself to make sure his dick slid right in-between his butt cheeks. Sebastian moaned like Kurt’s never heard him moan before; it was low and desperate, almost like he was in pain. That was exactly the moment when Kurt knew he had Smythe at his mercy now, and it felt good. It was like Sebastian was just too turned on to care about being The _Top_ Top anymore. Kurt loved it; his own dick twitched enthusiastically, clearly ready for round two. Kurt never cared much about the arbitrary _top_ or _bottom_ ; maybe he liked to get fucked more, but what he _really_ cared about was not being a pillow princess.

“Here’s what’s about to happen,” whispered Kurt into his ear. He gently stroked Sebastian’s cheek, wiping a bit of saliva off of it. “I’m gonna ride you and I won’t stop until _I_ come again. How does that sound?”

He half-expected Smythe not to agree to that, but Sebastian just bit his lower lip and let out a shaky breath. The desperation on his face was beautiful; it was fascinating how easily letting Kurt take over came to him, how unashamed he was no matter what position they were in. “ _Please_ , do it. Ride me,” he moaned.

Kurt looked around and grabbed a bottle of lube from the nightstand. He poured some out on his hand and leaned forward, enough to lift his hips up, and started fingering himself. He looked right at Sebastian while he was stretching himself out and saw the exact moment when the realization of what he was doing hit Smythe. Sebastian’s nails painfully dug into Kurt’s hips as he swayed them lazily and moaned while adding a third finger.

“Fuck, Kurt, that’s so- so hot,” he groaned. “I’m so-“

“Close?” Kurt finished for him just like Sebastian did earlier. He smiled. Revenge was _so_ sweet. He knew it wouldn’t take long now, and Smythe seemed desperate enough, so Kurt pulled his fingers out of himself and grabbed Sebastian’s dick instead; he held it in place while slowly sitting on it. He was relaxed enough, so it didn’t hurt, but he could swear he felt every single curve, every vein of Sebastian’s cock slowly sliding into him; it was big. Big enough for Kurt to struggle just a bit while taking it. “Good,” he said, and voice trembled a little. Just like his thighs did when he used his bodyweight to forcefully close the last few inches between them and practically slammed himself into Sebastian’s lap. Smythe whimpered underneath him; he scrunched up his face, clearly trying to focus. Probably on not coming right away.

“Oh God, you’re so tight. Oh, no,” he murmured, sliding his hand down Kurt’s back. “I-I’m really gonna come right fucking now.” He sounded frantic, almost apologetic, but there was nothing to be sorry about.

“Come then,” said Kurt. “And touch me,” he added, and before he even finished saying it, Sebastian’s fingers once again wrapped around his cock. His grip was a little shaky, but still firm as he started to quickly jerk Kurt off.

Kurt felt the tension rapidly building up in his abdomen again. He bent down to kiss Sebastian once more and finally really started to move. He lifted his hips slowly, and then lowered them much quicker, and then went up and down and up and down again, arching his back every time Sebastian’s dick brushed against his prostate.

It only took two more up and downs, five in total, for Sebastian to come screaming. Literally. Kurt didn’t expect him to be this loud, but Smythe clearly didn’t hold himself back; it was amazing. Even as he was having an orgasm, he never stopped jerking Kurt off, and Kurt didn’t stop moving his hips, just like he said he wouldn’t. He felt Sebastian’s muscles shake uncontrollably, and saw his face in the most pleasant of grimaces, and all of that was too much for him too; Kurt came soon after.

The second orgasm was just as intense, if not more intense, but definitely louder and more draining than the first one. Kurt slowed down and eventually stopped moving as he felt his muscles spasm and his dick throb in Sebastian’s firm grip. He could swear he saw stars when he came all over his and Smythe’s stomach. And Smythe came inside him, so they both had some cleaning to do. For a moment, Kurt just laid right on top of Sebastian, not bothered to do anything except lift his hips enough for Smythe to slide out of him. They stayed like that for a few minutes, just trying to get their breathing back to normal until Kurt found it in himself to roll over and lay on his back. _That really just happened_ , he thought. _And it was the fucking best. That’s just not fair._

“You were right,” said Kurt, still panting. He looked at Smythe.

“Of course I was,” he answered right away, but after a few seconds filled with nothing but silence and heavy breathing, he added, “And what was I right about again?”

“The bad pizza,” said Kurt. He chuckled. “I’ve been having bad pizza.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that happened. Just two guys going on a date and having amazing sex. Definitely nothing romantic about it. Relationship? Who is she? Dating? Don't know her.  
> Anyways, thanks so much for reading. Feel free to let me know in the comments how good or bad my sex scene writing skills are. And feel free to guess who will catch feelings first.


	8. Numbers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter-specific trigger warnings: mentioned homophobia (retrospective)

When Kurt woke up the next morning, he was still in Sebastian’s hotel room, comfortably snuggled up in his huge bed, with Smythe sleeping right next to him, and there was only one thing on his mind: _I fucked Sebastian Smythe_. Yup, he definitely did, and it was definitely amazing.

It messed with Kurt’s head, though; he never imagined casual sex could be this good. Ever since he was a little boy, he desperately clung onto the idea of One True Love. Even just a few years ago, sex was still nothing but a small, distant part of romance, an addition to a much bigger picture of his perfect, carefully imaged fairytale. He still thought like that when he first met Blaine, and Blaine checked every box: he was sweet, handsome, caring, and, of course, he was a gentleman. Or so it seemed. And then he stopped being so perfect, but they were only human, and Kurt still loved him, and he wanted his Prince Charming and his Happy Ever After. For him, Blaine represented all of that up until the moment he cheated. That day, a chapter of Kurt’s life closed forever. It was like a bucket of ice-cold water dumped right over his head; nothing seemed the same ever since, but that didn’t mean everything seemed worse.

It didn’t. Maybe that’s because he got rid of his Disney delusions. He tried dating casually for a while. He got with Adam in an attempt to cheer himself up after that first breakup with Blaine, but it didn’t work out. It couldn’t. Sure, Adam was nice and good-looking, but there wasn’t much chemistry between them and Kurt was still too hung up on his ex to really give it a shot. So he got back together with Blaine and then… Well, then the almost-engagement and second breakup happened and he somehow ended up in Sebastian’s bed after that. And it was really more of an adult movie than a fairytale. Who knew that one didn’t really need true love to have incredible sex. He’d even go as far as to say that maybe the so-called true love only made it worse.

Sebastian shifted and turned to face him. “Kurt,” he mumbled and yawned, not bothering to cover his mouth. “Why are you up? Don’t… um, don’t tell me you’re a morning person.”

Kurt chuckled. “I am, and I have a very elaborate morning routine,” he said cheerfully, running a hand through Sebastian’s hair. He seemed to like it; he closed his eyes and purred something incomprehensible under his breath. Kurt stroked his cheek, moving his thumb in small circles, and then gently placed a hand under his chin as if to get a better look at him. In the natural, morning light, Smythe’s skin was smooth and radiant, and he had these two freckles right under his left brow bone that Kurt never noticed before. His lips were a little chapped and there was the faintest shadow of facial hair around his mouth. Everything really _was_ much clearer in the morning, including the fact that after Kurt slept with him, he found Sebastian even more attractive.

“You’re staring,” said Sebastian quietly. Slowly, he opened his eyes, but it didn’t discourage Kurt from watching him closely. It hit him that maybe it was hard to tell what color Smythe’s eyes were, because it was always too dark or the light was too artificial, but now the sun shining at them through the window made it clear that his eyes were actually hazel-green with a thin ring of deep blue around it.

“You’re still hot in the morning,” said Kurt. He couldn’t hide the disappointment in his voice. it’d probably be easier if this could stay as a one-time thing, but he suspected that they both enjoyed themselves too much for that.

Sebastian smiled widely. “Obviously, I’m always hot.” He stretched his arms out and yawned again. “There’s a menu in the drawer on your side of the bed, order us some breakfast. I’m in the mood for something sweet.”

Kurt happily ordered blueberry pancakes with extra syrup. He was trying to eat healthy lately, but it felt like a special occasion. Besides, he was sure that they burned off some serious calories yesterday.

When they sat down at the table a little later, both dressed in nothing but white hotel bathrobes, it didn’t feel real. Kurt thought it’d be awkward between them, that there’d be tension and he’d want to just go back home right away, but that wasn’t the case at all. They ate breakfast together, talked about New York and the Warblers, and made fun of each other, and laughed about it. and it was almost as if they were… friends. Kurt didn’t want to think about what that meant yet.

“Wanna see what’s on the radio?” asked Sebastian when they were almost done with breakfast. He reached for a fancy-looking remote and pointed it towards the ceiling. _I Knew You Were Trouble_ by Taylor Swift started playing loudly. “I _love_ this song!” he gasped.

Kurt raised an eyebrow. “You’re a Taylor Swift fan?” he asked, amused. It could have been worse; it could have been Katy Perry _again_.

Instead of replying, Sebastian scream-sang the next lyrics with Taylor. “I knew you were trouble when you walked in, so shame on me now!”

Kurt rolled his eyes.

“Flew me to places I'd never been, till you put me down, oh!” continued Sebastian, surprisingly on-key for how jokingly he was acting. He stood up and offered his hand to Kurt. “Come on, sing with me!”

As ridiculous as it seemed, Kurt did kind of want to join, so he did. He took Smythe’s hand and let him spin them around. They danced and sang the rest of the song together and as Kurt watched Sebastian gesture dramatically while he was belting some of the last _ooohs_ of the song, he couldn’t help but smile.

“Trouble, trouble, trouble,” they ended together and as the word still echoed in Kurt’s mind, Sebastian wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed him. So yeah, somehow he felt like they were both in trouble indeed.

It was almost the end of next week, Rachel wasn’t speaking to him, Santana already moved in with Dani, Sebastian went back home to Ohio, and Kurt was trying to keep his life together. He packed up as much of his stuff as he was able to carry at once and went to live with Elliott. Of course, he let him know beforehand that he wanted to take him up on that roommate offer.

“I slept with Sebastian,” said Kurt as soon as Starchild opened the door. “Also I’m moving in.”

Elliott sighed. “Good morning to you too, Kurt,” he said, not even trying to hide his amusement. “Come right in, make yourself at home.”

Although Elliott’s apartment was smaller than the one Kurt shared with Rachel and Santana, it was much closer to the centre of the city. It had a kitchen open to the living room, a bathroom and two actual bedrooms, not just weird _privacy curtains_ surrounding the beds, which was a big plus. As long as Kurt had some space to himself, he didn’t mind it being smaller. The place seemed a little run-down, but in a cool-ish way; in the living room, there were these big windows with a small mosaic in the middle of each one, and Kurt thought it looked nice and different. Once again, he just loved the prospect of having an actual door to his room now, and life seemed good.

“You’ll unpack later, let’s have coffee first,” said Elliott with a smile. “Do you want some milk? Sugar? Is Sebastian actually good in bed or is he all talk?”

Kurt chuckled at the last question and leaned on one of the kitchen counters. “Milk, no sugar, thanks. And, unfortunately, he’s real good,” he admitted.

“Unfortunately?”

“Yeah, now I’ll have to compare every guy I sleep with to him and he set the bar _high_.” Kurt sounded annoyed, because he was. Smythe was, as usual, being a pain in the ass.

“Soo, you’re planning on sleeping with other people?”

“I think so. I mean, I didn’t break up with one rich private-schooled boy just to date another one right away,” he scoffed. Not that Sebastian would be interested in dating him anyway, right, but Kurt’s point still stood. He was single now and had a lot to explore.

“So Blaine’s rich too?” asked Elliott with genuine curiosity, handing Kurt his coffee.

“Thanks.” He smiled briefly. “Well, his parents are pretty rich, but his dad’s still hoping he’ll settle down with a girl.”

“Ah. They cut him off from the family fortune then?” asked Starchild.

“Not fully. His mom wouldn’t let that happen, but his dad… when I first met him, I overheard him telling Blaine that if he wanted to be gay, he should’ve at least dated a _real man_ and not a _ladyboy_ like me.” Kurt took a sip of coffee. He could feel himself getting heated over that comment all over again. “I totally cried myself to sleep that night.” He shook his head, gripping his mug a little tighter.

Elliott looked at him sympathetically. “You dodged a bullet with _that_ _guy_ almost being your father-in-law then. Still better than my old man though.”

Kurt looked at him. “That bad?” he asked carefully.

“Yeah. Long story short, he caught me making out with a guy once and threw me out of the house. Said he didn’t care where I went as long as I never came back. I was just sixteen.” He swallowed hard. Kurt saw his bottom lip tremble. “Thankfully, my aunt took me in for a while and then I moved here to start over, you know, as Starchild.” He smiled but didn’t seem happy at all.

Kurt put his mug down on the counter. “Hey,” he said, getting Elliott’s attention. He didn’t say _I’m sorry_ , because he knew it wouldn’t be enough. It never was. Besides, he was sure Starchild already knew he was sorry and no words could ever be enough to describe how unfair life was sometimes, how unfair it was to _good_ people. Kurt came closer and hugged Elliot tightly, letting him lean on his shoulder. He smiled. “You know what’s the best part of being gay, besides the glitter? You get to have a whole new Chosen Family. Full of people who actually _get it_.”

Elliot’s shoulders shook as he laughed, and he sounded a little choked up when he said, “Thanks. I’m glad I met you.”

Kurt was glad he met him too.

The next day Kurt was still unpacking. He was just putting some of his clothes in the closet when Elliot asked, “Oh, you’re into yoga?” while nodding towards Kurt’s rolled up yoga mat. “Me too, we should totally go exercise together, there’s an awesome gym with a yoga studio just around the corner. I could introduce you to some of my friends,” he proposed excitedly.

“Your yoga friends?” Kurt was a little suspicious.

“Exactly, you’ll like them! Mostly girls and gay guys go there anyway,” he said. He leaned on the nearest wall and looked at Kurt.

That actually sounded pretty good. Kurt’s been wanting to meet new people ever since he moved to New York, so why not? He was tired of only seeing people from NYADA who mostly wanted him to choke and never sing again. He wouldn’t even call them friends. “You know what, I’d love to. How often do you go there?” he asked.

“Two or three days a week. And today’s the day, actually, so if you want to come, put on some shorts or whatever and you’re in!”

Kurt smiled. “Really? Awesome, I’ll go change then,” he said, grabbing a few things from his suitcase. It really sounded like fun.

And when they got to the yoga studio about an hour later, Kurt immediately felt good about his decision. The place was clean and bright, and there were some people standing and chatting loudly around the lobby, most of them women with high ponytails, in tight yoga pants. Elliott briefly introduced Kurt to a couple of his friends and went to deal with some formalities at the front desk. Kurt met two girls, Kate and Lily, who turned out to be roommates and a couple, which immediately made him feel more comfortable in their company. Not that he had anything against straight people, but he’s been surrounded by them and only them for most of his life, and constantly having to worry about whether they secretly despised them for his sexuality was tiring. Living New York was very refreshing when it came to how many LGBTQ people he could so easily meet and befriend there and he loved it.

“You’ll _love_ our instructor, she’s the best,” assured him Kate. She had a strong southern accent, bright blue hair pulled up in a messy ponytail, a pink lip piercing and arms covered in colorful tattoos, which made her look cool and edgy. “She helped me get into positions I never even knew were possible.” She giggled, winking at him.

“Don’t mind her, she’s showing off. But you _have_ to come exercise with us, Kurt, we’ll save you a spot,” said Lily calmly, putting an arm around Kate’s shoulders. Lily was tall, not much shorter than Kurt, she had very light, practically white hair that almost reached her shoulders and big, bright blue eyes. She sounded somewhat British, but Kurt couldn’t be sure where she was from. What he was sure of, though, was that the girls looked pretty amazing together and he was impressed by their coolness. “Sorry, but do you work in fashion? You just have a very… stylish vibe,” she said, gesturing vaguely towards Kurt.

He immediately lit up. “Yeah, I love fashion,” he said, nodding enthusiastically. “And I work for Vogue part-time. I used to be an unpaid intern, but I just started writing for them and now they actually pay me… barely, but you know, still good for my resume.” He laughed. “You seem quite fashionable too, what do _you_ do?”

“Thanks, I’m a model,” she said proudly. Kurt mouthed _wow_ at her. She chuckled. “Yeah, if you introduce me to some Vogue people, I’ll return the favor with the designers I know. We can help each other out,” she proposed. That immediately got Kurt’s attention.

“For sure!” he said. “I’ll see what I can do and I’ll let you know.”

“Amazing,” she said with a smile. “And if you ever need a discount on a tattoo, you can talk to my baby Kate.”

“First, we’ve discussed the _my baby_ thing,” cut in Kate, but she didn’t sound mad at all. “Second, yeah, I’m a tattoo artist and you’d be an amazing canvas,” she said, nodding at Kurt approvingly.

He laughed. “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind. I’ve been on a bit of a wild streak recently so who knows…”

“Alright, guys!” said Elliot enthusiastically, coming up to them. “You ready? We only have like three minutes left, so let’s go.”

So they went and the class was much better and more draining than Kurt expected. He usually did yoga on his own, without an instructor, but the woman leading the class really was great; she pushed everyone to their limits, but she was so focused and soft-spoken throughout it that it was still a quiet, calming experience. Kurt felt sweaty and sore afterwards, but he also felt just a little bit lighter, and better about himself, which always meant it was a good workout. Some people said yoga was easy, but those people clearly never actually did it.

“That was intense, huh?” asked Elliott, breathing heavily. His hair was sticking to his forehead, but he looked very pleased with himself. “How do you feel?”

“Amazing, I loved it,” said Kurt with absolute honesty. “I might become a regular here.”

“I hope you will,” said some guy right next to them, startling Kurt. “Sorry, I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop or anything. It’s just that I was on the mat behind you and I kept thinking about the best way to talk to you… Maybe that wasn’t it.” He laughed awkwardly.

Kurt tilted his head to the side, looking him up and down. The guy was tall and muscular, the kind that looked like he was at the gym seven days a week and he was there for much more than just yoga. He had long-ish brown hair tied into a bun and dimples in his cheeks when he smiled. And he was hitting on Kurt, wasn’t he? Kurt was still a little oblivious when it came to recognizing it, but he was pretty sure that was the case. He glanced at Elliott who just made a face at him.

“Oh, it’s okay. Hi, I-I’m Kurt,” he said, offering his hand and the guy shook it enthusiastically. His grip was surprisingly soft.

“Aiden,” he introduced himself. “I haven’t seen you around here, are you new in town? If you ever need someone to show you the city-”

“I’m okay, I think I’ve got it covered with the-“ he started, but Starchild literally stomped on his foot before he could finish. Kurt looked at him in shock. “I mean _sure_ , a little tour would be nice,” he said instead, slowly turning back to Aiden.

“Awesome! Can I get your number?” he asked, handing Kurt a phone. He put in his number, not really believing in what was happening. “I’m texting you a winky face right now, so you can save my number too. Oh, listen, I gotta go, but let me know when you’ll be free, okay?” he said, quickly walking away to another one of the many rooms in the gym, probably to make it to something non-yoga related.

“Well, _that_ was interesting,” said Elliott with the widest smile Kurt has ever seen on him.

“Why, is he like the gym player or something?” asked Kurt, staring at his phone. He did just get a message with nothing but a winky face in it from an unknown number.

“Kinda, I’ve seen him around here a few times. Picking up _girls_ ,” emphasized Starchild.

“Oh yeah, he tried to hit on me when I first moved here,” added Lily. She shrugged. “But he was very nice about the rejection, not pushy or anything. I’d go for it if I was into men.”

Kurt groaned. “No way, do you think he thought I was a girl?”

“From the back, yeah, maybe. But once you turned around? Not a chance, you’re packing in both the back _and_ front,” chimed in Kate. They all giggled and the girls high-fived each other.

“Not funny!” said Kurt, but he was laughing too. “What should I do?”

“Whatever you want. It’s New York, who’s really straight here?” asked Elliot, rolling his eyes. “Don’t take it so seriously, it’s not like you’re dating Sebastian, right? Do you think he’s not doing it with some closeted Warbler right now? _Please_.”

“You’re right,” said Kurt, adding a new contact to his phone. “I need to live a little.”

~~~~

Nothing in Sebastian Smythe’s life was going according to plan. For one, there was his education. He thought he’d be over the moon once he got accepted into NYU Stern. After all, he’s been planning on following in his dad’s footsteps and studying finances there ever since middle school. But when the acceptance letter finally came, and he got in, he felt empty and a little disappointed. He realized that, deep down, he hoped they’d reject him and he’d be able to somehow convince his dad to let him study something else. He found himself longingly checking NYU’s Arts program instead and he thought about Kurt. That guy had some serious courage; it was crazy how much he had to believe in himself to pursue Broadway _and_ fashion, some of the most unreliable career paths one could think of. But there he was, working for Vogue, enrolled at the best Dramatic Arts school in the nation, living his life on his own terms. Sometimes Sebastian wished he could be more like that too, but it just wasn’t attainable; not without a price he wasn’t sure if he was willing to pay. His parents had certain expectations he had to meet if he wanted to keep living as comfortably as he’s been living his whole life. He had to get a _real job_ in the _real world_. Nobody said he couldn’t do music on the side, of course, but he knew that once he dives into the world of finance, there won’t be much time for anything else, and it scared him. He didn’t want to end up living like his father, cold, and inconsiderate, and alone.

Then there was his social life. He imagined he’d spend the last few months of high school partying with his friends, celebrating all their successes, but that wasn’t the case either. Sure, he went to a couple parties, both in Ohio and New York, but ever since that night at Blue Sunrise with Kurt, his mind was always somewhere else whenever he tried to party like he used to. Nothing seemed to compare to the spark in Hummel’s eyes as they almost kissed on that dance floor or to the smirk on his lips as he was leaving Sebastian so turned on right in front of his apartment.

Great, and there he was, thinking about Kurt again; it was annoying how often it happened lately. A few weeks earlier, he was convinced Kurt would never even call. But he did. And then they went out together, and then they kissed, and then they fucked, and now Sebastian was zoning out during math class, thinking about how Kurt tilted his head back when he came, exposing his long, silky smooth neck, and how he moaned Sebastian’s name, and how his laugh sounded even better in the morning when his voice was a little hoarse. The teacher was saying something, pointing to an equation on the blackboard, but Sebastian once again didn’t hear a word. His head was filled with an echo of Kurt’s voice from a few days back.

_You’re so hot._

_Take it off._

_Touch me._

_What’s wrong with me?_ thought Sebastian, irritated. It was so unlike him to keep thinking about some random hookup, and it was starting to freak him out. He didn’t get attached, not like this, not this quickly; he had fun with guys, he partied with them, danced with them, fucked them, and then immediately got over them every single time. Well, every single time until damn Hummel came along.

When the Engagement Fiasco first happened, Sebastian thought Blaine would be easier to seduce since he seemed like the more heartbroken one, but it didn’t work out; Anderson didn’t even return his texts. So he was left with Kurt with his annoying gay face, and annoying gay voice, and annoying know-it-all attitude, and Sebastian decided that seducing him, the one guy that never seemed to like him, could be his ultimate achievement. It was an exciting challenge, but once it was done, he knew that he only played himself. He didn’t understand why he couldn’t get Hummel out of his head; it wasn’t the first time he spent the night with a guy in that hotel room and somehow none of them ever left him feeling so… giddy.

“Sebastian? Are you with us?” asked Nick, waving a hand in front of his face. “The class is over. You coming with us to eat?”

Sebastian nodded absent-mindedly. “Sure. Do we have English next?”

“I said _to eat_ , the classes are over,” said Jeff, looking at him suspiciously. “What’s up with you, you’ve been daydreaming this whole week. Did you finally fall for one of those guys you sleep with in New York?” His friends both laughed.

“What?!” Sebastian snapped at them, quickly picking up his books from the desk. “No, I didn’t! Fuck off and mind your own business, would you!”

Nick and Jeff looked at each other in disbelief. “He’s in love,” they said at the same time.

Sebastian groaned impatiently. He didn’t have time for this. He started walking towards the door, but his friends followed him excitedly.

“Who is he?”

“Is he from New York?”

“Do we know him?

“What’s his name?”

They kept talking over each other, which only made Sebastian more annoyed. That was just ridiculous, nobody said _anything_ about love. He wasn’t in love and more than that, he didn’t even have a crush, definitely not. He just had a lot on his mind recently. And _maybe_ Kurt was just really good in bed so he wanted to sleep with him again, but that was all. It wasn’t that deep. “I’m _not_ in love, guys, can we drop this? Kurt’s just-“ he cut himself off, realizing what he just did. “Shit!” he moaned.

“Kurt?!”

“Kurt _Hummel_?!”

_Oh shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuckshit._

Sebastian desperately tried to explain to his friends that there was nothing going on between him and Kurt, he told them they just had some fun and neither of them wanted it to be more, but his friends weren’t convinced. They also didn’t approve. _Our sweet little Kurt?_ they said. _You’re gonna break his heart_. Sebastian could never admit that it wasn’t _Kurt’s_ heart he was worried about.

On his way home he got a message from a guy whose number he had saved as _Harry Blonde &Ass_, and he had no recollection of ever putting that in his phone. _Scandals today? ;)_ wrote Harry, whoever he was, and usually Sebastian would agree, but not that day. He just wasn’t feeling it. _Maybe I‘m getting old_ , he thought as he wrote back, _Sorry, can’t today,_ and immediately deleted the guy’s number. He thought that there was only one person who deserved to have a capitalized _Ass_ next to their name in his contacts and that person was Kurt.

When he finally got home that day, he wasn’t in a great mood. He wanted to just get into bed and tune out the rest of the world for a while, but, to his surprise, his mom was already back from work. He saw her shoes in the hallway and then the back of her head as he walked into the living room; she was sitting on the couch, watching some TV show about interior design.

“Bastian!” she exclaimed, quickly turning around. She got up and hugged him, and he just stood there, surprised.

“Hi, mom, I- you’re home early,” he said after a while, but returned the hug.

“Yeah, I took a few days off,” she explained, taking a step back, and pushed her hair out of her face. She usually wore it in a tight bun, but today it laid loosely on her shoulders.

“You… did? Is everything okay?” he asked, looking at her suspiciously. He couldn’t remember the last time she took time off from work for any reason.

“Oh honey, everything’s great,” she assured. “Will you sit down with me for a minute?” she asked, nodding at the couch.

Sebastian swallowed, feeling nervous about whatever it was they needed to talk about, but he shrugged, trying to seem as nonchalant as possible, and sat down.

“So,” she started. She sat in an armchair across from him. “I noticed that you’ve been spending a lot of time with your father recently. And I know you’re going there to study soon, but I just-“ She sighed. “I’m always at work, you’re always at school. Soon you’ll be gone for good and I don’t want you to remember me by how little time I had for you.”

Sebastian couldn’t help but smile. He didn’t expect this, but it made him feel good; sometimes he felt like, despite her flaws, his mom was the only parent that truly cared about him. “Don’t worry, mom. I get it, you have an important job, people need you. I’ve been having fun in New York, but I’ll never be gone for _good_ ,” he said. “I’ll always come back to visit you, or invite you to visit me. But thank you for taking time off for me. We can do something fun, hm, watch a stupid rom-com like we used to?”

“Yes!” His mom looked delighted at the suggestion. She leaned back in the armchair, clearly more relaxed now. “Remember Love Actually? It used to be your favorite back in Paris, you’d force me to watch it with you in the middle of August, and then you’d do the worst British accent I’ve ever heard for the rest of the day.”

Sebastian smiled at the memory. He’s never been happier than during those three years they lived in France; now it was like nothing but a distant, hazy thought always stuck at the back of his mind. “I don’t recall anything of the sort,” he said with the most forced British accent he could manage.

His mom laughed out loud. “Do you miss it? Paris?” she asked after a while.

“I do, I’d love to go back sometime. Maybe over the summer. Maybe with-” He had to bite his tongue before he said too much. He couldn’t believe Kurt was once again the first thing on his mind while planning anything. It couldn’t be a good sign.

“With? Is there something you want to tell me about? Or _someone_?” His mom raised an eyebrow.

“No. But if there would be, I think you’d really like him,” he said. He got up before she could drag more information out of him. “Now, where’s my Love Actually DVD?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone! Take this chapter as my Valentines gift to you lol. I decided to include more of Sebastian’s point of view, which was fun to write, so I think I’ll continue doing it. Stay tuned for the next chapter if you already miss the sex scenes lol, more coming soon. As always feel free to talk to me in the comments :D


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